Total Eclipse
by mp5KOVA
Summary: After a visit to a toy store, during which Sookie Stackhouse found herself grudgingly caught within the mayhem in an attempted assassination of the local La vampires. Only to wake and discover that she & her family had been claimed by the Area 5 Vampire Sheriff. HIGH rating is warranted. Just playing w/ many what if's in CH's sandbox, the characters belong to her: Story is VERY AU.
1. Oh, Lord, NO!

"Mama, cahn I pulchase a toy tooo?"

Sookie Stackhouse gazed through the rearview mirror at the enthusiastic face of her son. She did not even have to rely on her telepathic abilities to know what he was thinking. A store full of all kinds of toys was as close to a wonderland as he was going to get. Unable to resist temptation she dipped into his mind and had to suppress her own giggles of the fantasy images he was envisaging, a land of magic and endless possibilities. Walt Disney should perch himself down and start scrabbling. God, maybe this was a bad idea. His little hamsters were running on over time, so much so, that if she did not get to the store in the next ten minutes he may simultaneously combust and she literally could not afford a new car.

"Well, sweetie, you got any money to _purchase_ a toy with?" It will never seize to amaze her, his vastly growing vocabulary.

It made her blue sometimes that he could read already, next thing he is not going to need her for anything. Well, it may be awhile until he can get his own cereal from above the fridge. She sighed, he would find some way to do it, knowing him it would be some elaborate LEGO contraption and hopefully would not involve dismantling the phone in the process this time. It took her two days to put it back together and get it to work the last time, all because he wanted his silent (ok, fine his cheap) fire truck to make noise just like the one he saw on some TV commercial. The little sneak shielded his thoughts and worked vigorously during the night to accomplish his mission. Thank the Lord, there were not any emergencies in those two days or they would have been more than out of luck, by reason of their little farm house being way out in the boonies. The kid was too smart for his own good, because not only was his toy louder than an alarm o'clock, but he accomplish to secure a functioning phone in the process, if only in the aesthetic of a torture device. All Sookie knew for certain, a new strainer and an egg beater had to be obtained. That was the day he was forbidden to disassemble anything without first getting a formal permission to do so and bid farewell to his fire truck.

"I wolked and safed dwo dallas an eaty sevan cends" was Hunter immediate answer.

He held his two chubby little fingers up ardently and all his excitement screeched to a deadly halt once he found himself in the dilemma of how to demonstrate the numerical value of his eighty seven cents by using all of his fingers. There just were not enough of them. He looked down on his feet and quickly assessed that even with their aid it was not enough to get him out of this predicament. He was so deep in thought at resolving this detrimental problem that his little nose was crinkled, his face was flushed and he kept staring at his hands, wiggle his digits, move his hands to the side and tried to lift his feet as much as the car seat would allow, in hopes that somewhere in all of this action lay the answer he so desperately needed. All his attempts were just futile; there just were not enough fingers and toes in his arsenal. Well good, that will keep him occupied for some time. Let there be said that her little decipherer never backed down from a challenge, so when she saw him reaching for his peacefully napping sister's limbs, Sookie had to intervene quickly.

"Hunter, don't you go disturbin' your sister. Even with all Addy's fingers and toes you still are gonna be short, trust me." Even her firm tone did nothing but make him that much more determined to find a resolution. Sookie had to smile at her adorable miniature monster, after all he was her monster and she loved him for his stubbornness. She took mercy on his little brain, since he was unprecedentedly intelligent for a mere two year old, sometimes she just forgot that he was indeed a toddler.

"When you need ta show any number greater than ten, you do so by separating the number into two, so in this case, you would show first the number eight and after that the second number, which is seven, ok sweetie?"

Sookie was not even done with her little speech, when Hunter was already presenting her eight and seven fingers consecutively and proudly announcing their values. All she could do is sigh and shake her head at his happiness, one disaster averted. Now, how do you explain to a child that his worldly treasure would probably not be enough to get him a stick of gum in this day and age?

"I wike gumm." Hunter announced undeterred.

The kid, just like his sister, would blissfully play with rocks and sticks and be as happy as a puppy with two peters. Never complain or demanded for anything not even the weather. They may be a toddler and an infant, but their family curse of hearing and seeing people's thoughts let them understand the struggle their Mommy, Gran and even Uncle Jes go through daily to provide for clothes and food. Hunter was aware that the rest of the kids on the playground, whenever mama took them there, thought that their clothes were funny and all the adults looked at them pitifully. He, however, wore them with pride, they were made with nothing short of love and devotion. They were beautiful and snuggly, always colorful and always had some kind of fun detail to make then purdy, as Uncle Jes said. Like his sailor suit had cool anchors embroidered on each side of his collar or Addy's little fairy princess dress had all these beads to make it sparkly, whenever she squirmed and she did constantly squirm. He also knew that some of their outfits made the residents of small town Bon Temps, Louisiana covetous, although they would never acknowledge it verbally. So it was up to him to strike a savvy deal with Auntie Tara to sell some of Mommy's couture (a label she laughed at, when hearing, if not for his difficulty to pronounce, but for the pure ingenious and business savvy the toddler was exhibiting) in her shop. Sookie was beat red once she found out what her son had done behind her back, however she could not pass on the opportunity of extra money. They needed every cent they could get, so Mommy's couture was pretty much adorned by all local kids now and Tara was coaxing her to quit her waitressing job and devote all her time in sewing, seeing how they were getting more and more interest from boutiques from Shreveport down to NOLA. Everyone knew who produced the garments, but not a single soul praised the talents of one Crazy Sookie, they just pretended to be happily ignorant as per usual. In just a short two months the business was expanding tenfold. If only Sookie could be convinced that keeping their profits to the bare minimum was not doing them any favor. Vendors were making a killing, due to her own philosophy that raising a child was already expensive as it was, no parent should struggle to clothe their little ones. To say Tara was frustrated would be the understatement of the millennium. She was ready to wring her friends' neck repetitively these days.

Sookie looked at her content boy in the backseat of her barely alive car and asked "How bout this, I'll make you a deal. I'll double your money to get a toy if you rake the yard and collect all the leaves tomorrow."

"Deal" was Hunter's enthusiastic answer and off his imagination went to all the possibilities the store could present him with.

He already knew it was her plan to buy him and his sister a toy each, but he would work for it. If for nothing else it would make his Mommy very proud of him and he always treasured that feeling. In the meantime Sookie glanced at the clock, which showed that nine o'clock was quickly approaching. Addy would stir any moment now and if she had any requirements, it would be for her diaper to be changed immediately. The little girl had no patience with wet nappies; food could wait, but her damped bottom would not under any circumstances. If anyone could throw a fit with a force of a mammoth it was her daughter. All Sookie could do was pray that the car ride would keep her sleepy for the next ten minutes until they reached the Toy'R'Us outlet. Her anxiety was rising and all her thoughts were turning into a murderous intent for one Portia Bellefleur- Sawyer. Who registers for gifts for a BIRTHDAY party, no really? Portia, that is who. What do you expect from a woman, who bestowed her daughter with the most pretentious name ever: Annabelle Rosé Scarlet-Jo Bellefleur- Sawyer? Could not even have the decency to embrace her husband fully by dropping her last name, oh no, let no one forget where she came from. Sookie needed to get her temper under control swiftly or the contempt rolling off her was going to affect her babies and that was the last thing she wanted. They did not get the chance to go out often, due to still learning to control their telepathy and sure as heck they did not have the money to just go strolling into a fancy toy store. She would not rob her precious babies of this experience.

"Id bee ok mama, Adie iz dweamin ov du Bawby she lovez" Hunter assured her.

She gave him a death piercing look, he should know better than to read her even if her shields were down, because her emotions were in turmoil. Even at almost twenty five she had less control than both of her kids' combined, so he had no excuse other than just plain being nosy.

"Sowy Mammy" was all Hunter could provide and squirm into his seat.

They were just pulling into the parking spot in front of the monstrosity of a store, when Addy was starting to slowly open her eyes. You would think that a place catering for children would be closed at this time of night on a Saturday no less, but ever since the vampires revealed themselves to the world, every business extended their work hours to midnight. Even businesses, which had no benefit in doing so, case in point. Was a vampire supposed to get himself a bubble wand or may be a squirt gun in a shape of Nimo? At this particular moment however, even less interested in a toy store than a vampire was Addy and if her Mom did not hurry up with the torture contraption deemed as a car seat she was going to pay dearly. Sookie was so focused on soothing her impatient infant that she did not even register what was on the other side of the strip mall. Nor the presence of the massive queue of Goth worship patrons or their thoughts and she was violently jerked back to reality by Hunter's curious tone when he asked:

"Mommy waz a bow jop?"

_SHIELDS UP NOW!_ was all Sookie kept screaming in horror in both of her kids' minds.

She grabbed Addy, lifted Hunter and started running so fast towards the store that she could easily give Usain Bolt a run for his money. Once inside, she did not even so much spare a glance in the direction of the young employee trying to greet them at the door. She picked out of his head where the bathroom was located and all but took the door off its hinges in her reckoning. Great, now that she had time to catch her breath and somewhat subdue her emotional mayhem of horror and disgust she was faced with the fact that the diaper bag was still in the back seat of the car. Great, just effin great. Oh, she wanted to scream! She has heard of the vampire bar Fangtasia from her coworker Dawn's mind, seen the God's unspeakable things that happen in there, but nothing could prepare her for the inhumane thoughts that she was currently bombarded with. To think that people were desperately hoping for those acts to be done to them was just beyond words. She thought she has seen all the depraved sex acts there were, but some of the images she was shown surely could not be physically achieved and couple that with the desperation to be willingly drained of one's own blood was unfathomable at the very least.

_I want both of y'all to keep your shields UP, no matter what, y'all hear me?_

The mental tone of her voice was so icy it could teach icicles something about cold. Both kids got the message more than loud and clear.

"Hunter, go find wipes and nappies for you sister". Well, her audible tone was no improvement.

It made him bolt out of the bathroom, as if a lightning strike set his little bottom on fire. Addy did not even dare to show discomfort in the minute it took him to return with said provisions. All she knew was that she had to be quiet and on best behavior, so she waited motionless, while her mommy paced back and forth in the small space in front of the changing table. Forget food; better safe to starve right now. By the time Sookie had her baby girl nicely clean and dry her mood had greatly improved, though she was still on edge.

Hunter was so scared that he did not dare to even look at any of the toys, he just tried to keep up with her as she advanced towards the register. Sookie just wanted to get away from this God forsaken place as quickly as possible. Thank the heavens above, the young man from the door intercepted them to provide help and get them on their way out faster.

"Can I be of any help ma'am?" The boy no older than seventeen, named Tommy, asked with a genuine smile on his face.

He obviously never outgrew his love for toys and his outfit was just screaming that he was stuck at twelve. He was wearing light tan khaki pants and proudly modelling a batman shirt under his employee vest and nametag. Sookie let some of the tension in her shoulders evaporate, since all she was getting from his thoughts were all the different types and models of toys he was ready to recommend and truly his enthusiasm was infectious. She had no choice but to smile back at him and politely ask for Portia's registry. Her upbringing would not allow her anything less anyway.

"Wow, you're cutting it short ain't you?" Tommy laughed, when he saw that the register list was to closeout at midnight.

"I know, it's just with work and the long drive to get here there was never a good time for it" she felt so shamed, truth was, she just disliked Portia that much.

"Well, let see, there're ten items left on the list. Kind of expensive if you ask me, the cheapest one is the Barbie Fashion Editor 1635 – Vintage outfit for $95" as he finished talking he turned the monitor around to prove the validity of his statement. Sookie smiled at his honesty, it was refreshing now days. She glanced at the display and good Lord, Portia had no shame, there was not but a single item below $80. She begrudgingly said that it was fine and followed him to retrieve the item. The outfit was definitely stylish and lovely, but who in their mind priced this two inches of fabric the worth of almost seven of the practical ones she sold. All she could do is shake her head in disbelief and Tommy did not need to be a mind reader to gauge what she was thinking.

"I know right. I could get three super awesome Star Wars LEGO sets for that money" was Tommy own respond, as he too was shaking his head in disbelief.

Sookie just had to laugh at the incredibility in his voice, plus Hunter eyes lit up at the mention of his favorite play activity. He met her eyes uncertain if it was ok for him too to get a toy of his own, it is just that he was so looking forward to this experience for the last month, ever since they got the invitation to the birthday party, which should be phenomenal on its own, and it was a circus theme after all. Her heart broke seeing the defeat written all over his cute chubby face, she never wanted to make him fear her, it was never her intention. God, she wanted to eradicate all the filthy minds outside the store more than anything she has ever longed for.

_You can get a toy baby, go ahead and ask Tommy to help you find one._

Hunter turned to his new best friend with the biggest smile his face could hold. It was actually kind of scary, seeing how he somehow managed to display all his teeth without opening his mouth.

"Tomy, I gots dwo dallas an eaty sevan cends timez dwo foh a new toy, can you peaz helb me find one?" his declaration was accompanied with vigorous demonstration of each number by his little fingers being stretched and scrunched so his statement could not be misunderstood.

Tommy laughed and may have just found his new best friend also "Sure thing little man, that's just short of $6, but we got this really cool new truck collection if you wanna look at them?"

When Sookie pick out of his head that he was going to help Hunter with a few cents to get one of those toys, as sweet as it was of him, her conscience would not allow it, so she quickly added with a smile

"How bout we make it even $6?"

"Well, little man than you're really in luck. C'mon let me show ya"

Both boys were wearing identical smiles at this point and it did not surprise Sookie when Hunter gingerly took Tommy's hand. All three of them avoided skin contact like the black plague, simply it made shielding from the person's thoughts darn near impossible. Hunter however was on a mission and she had no doubt he was sifting through Tommy's mental toy catalog. She decided to let them to their own devices, maybe she should ask for his number for babysitting emergencies. It was time to get Addy her own gift. This inquisitive child had never been so quiet and still ever before, patiently waiting her turn.

"OK, my little love bug, for being the best baby ever, what prize should ya get?" at the end of Sookie's question Addy was laughing and squirming like a worm on hot rock in midday. Her Mommy's tickles were merciless.

This turned out to be harder than solving the chaos theory. First, the budget was shrinking the selection to a handful of items. Second, the baby would gouge Sookie's thoughts and forgo anything that did not get the awe struck reaction she craved. One would think Sookie was looking for a present of her own. So, the mind Mexican standoff was rapidly approaching world war proportions. Sookie was ready to buy the darn store itself and Addy was ready to walk away with nothing, if her Ma did not find a toy she liked for herself. Stackhouse's were never short on stubborn women it seems. Whoever wrote those books on parenting in the local library obviously never had a mental argument with a six month old, which also had audible capabilities of the terrible twos. A shirking "NO MA" could clearly be heard on the opposite side of the vast store.

An hour later and Addy was screaming in delight "DA MA" as she unreservedly pointed to a massive bubble wand the disaster was finally averted. Good, now she can find a vampire to spread the joy to the world with. Sookie did not even realize she had been sweating profusely until she ran the back of her hand over her forehead and sighed in delight. Just wait till she turns two seemed to be her mental mantra on repeat. She mentally called for Hunter and was counting the minutes to get out of this store version of an adult nightmare. It did put a smile of her face when it was obvious that he found a true friend in Tommy.

"Your total is $163.74 after tax ma'am. Hunter ya lucked out, ya got 3 in 1 with your LEGO Highway Cruiser 31014" by the smile in the innocent teenager's voice it was obvious those two could spend hours playing with the toy together or individually.

After mentally chastising herself for forgetting the diaper bag and having to fork over the money for the ungodly prices, Sookie handed the check to settle the bill. Three toys, fancy new wipes and nappies (those were definitely to be used only on outings), two babies and she was more than ready to call it a night. She was fast approaching her car when menacing voices breached through her shields

_In less than a minute those bloodsuckers would get what's coming to them_

_This is better than we planned look at all those fangbangers bout to die for those ungodly monsters_

_60 59 58…_

Before she could register what was going on, where the mental signatures were coming from or what on God's green earth they were so excited about, Hunter had broken from her grip and was running full force towards the Fangtasia bar screaming his little heart in horror.

"BOMM ewebody WUN. BOOM WUUUUN"

All she could do was drop the offensive bag, run after him and try to out scream him "OH, Lord, NOOO! HUNTER NOOO, get back here. NOOOOO!"

It all happened in a blur at _49_ of the ominous countdown. Next thing she knew, a ferocious looking Alice of Wonderland, who somehow skipped the didactic class on proper lady attire and reckoned that Goth paraphernalia was appropriate apparel, was dragging her and Hunter by the throats. She was moving at unhuman speed deep into the forest behind the strip mall. She evidently had more than enough strength and then some leftover to at least do the decent act of lifting them high enough off the ground to spare them the road burns. Hunter's toddlers' height was the only cause to preserve his clothing and escape any fire stings; Sookie was in no way so lucky. The pain was not even registering at this point; rocks, sticks and harsh dirt were ripping and mangling her flesh as if she had lost a fight with a lawnmower. All her concentration was on shielding her baby girl from the havoc of debris flying about and pray her baby boy was still breathing. The five seconds it took them to put a mile distance from the mass hysteria felt like five centuries and the sting of pain registered with a vengeance of a rabid animal fit to be tie. That was the least of her problems, the sonic carriage and rough grip on her throat had knocked the wind out of her lungs and she was vast approaching incoherent dizziness threatening to slip into a black abyss. Sookie vaguely remembered to make an attempt to get some air, her gasps were harsh and rigid, she was not sure if she was scratching on the obstruction of her air supply or trying to reach for Hunter. It all must of look like a fish in the desert. The only reason she was clinging to sanity and consciousness was the horrid cries for help from her babies and all the while the grip on her throat was by no means easing, if anything it was now slowly threatening to rapidly squeeze the life out of her.

Somewhere over the rainbow and deathly struggle, ghastly screams and were those animal growls and hisses, at this point Santa Clause can drop by in a Borat G-string and she would readily and politely offer him an Jägermeister, even offer to church him up . She did however between gasps for air manage to see a blur of a fair wall of a man rushing towards them, yep Santa was coming to town, she could clearly hear Mariah's voice announcing it. He's making a list, he's checking it twice, he's gonna find out who's naughty or nice, you hear that evil Alice. In between Mrs. Carey angelic tune was a warning sound.

"Pamela"

Whoever this kid Pamela was, Mr. Clause was not happy with her and she better get her poo together or no presents for you Missy. After Sookie was dropped to the ground faster than a spotted ape and overcame the pain in her back, throat, heck her whole body, she managed to crock out:

"So you better watch out, You better not cry and You better not pout"

It was very nice of Hunter to finish for her; whilst she was in the midst of a coughing spell with:

"I'm tewing you whyyyyy", which was also strangled, seeing how Alice was still dangling him like a wet cat.

It all came in perfect union to an end with "Santa Claus is comi'n, comi'n to town", even Addy chimed in as much as she could.

"ENOUGH"

Oh oh, Santa was not his jolly self and obviously very rude to cut into their little family chorus. The whole forest shook with his roar, rude indeed.

If only to be outdone by a loud bang and another ripple in the ground. All eyes averted towards where the bar was located and followed by deafening screams and offensive smell of burning flesh. The images of horror, death and pleas for help caused all three telepaths to trash and below their own cries. Hunter was the most thunderous of them all together, he just kept repeating over and over.

"MAKE IT STOOOOOP MAMA! MAKE IIIIIIT STOP!"


	2. here lay stupid

Peachy, now rude Santa Claus and evil Alice of Wonderland were wearing identical homicidal expressions lethally staring towards the cacophony of distant shrieks. That was the last coherent thought Sookie could muster.

If said two vampires shared her telepathic abilities, they would have begrudgingly concurred that all was just dandy with the world. The bar was doubtlessly in ruins. On top of it all, the vampires had their hands full with not one but three obviously cerebrally disturbed creatures. With all their thrashing around and shrieking glamouring would be of no use if you cannot get them to focus to your command. The red haze of Bloodlust was rapidly creeping onto them, the surrounding luscious mixture of blood and fear was everywhere and overtaking all their senses and primal instincts. The enchanting smell had an actual physical taste to it. Their beasts were starting to roar and demand to be let loose. The sweet fragrance of the detainees and the blood with the ambrosial bouquet gushing out of the blonde were of no help either; if anything they were just goading them on tenfold.

A plan needed to be devised instantly.

In the meantime Hunter was being ripped away from one vampire, who responded with a malicious hiss of a protest and hurled towards his mother by another. Nothing that was happening around all three family members was registering any longer, the power of the external anguish possessed them wholly and they were nothing but a hollow shell of a conduit at present.

The towheaded monstrosity of a vampire asserted his dominance instantly by bringing petite evil Alice to her knees with his own death grip on her throat and was the first to break the silence with a clearly malicious snarl.

"Pamela, as your Maker I forbid you to EVER feed on them."

"You can be a real sadistic and selfish bastard som…."

Her tone was an impressive combination of a lethal growl and a grousing whine and would have been admired had it not been so disrespectful in the current display of the rightful hierarchy. Eric Northman indulged his child's every whim more often than not, something exceedingly frowned upon by vampire standards, but he never hesitated, for a second, to foist his authority and edify any fool of traditional standings and protocol when called for. He had absolutely zero patience policy for insubordination and even less for stupidity. Beloved Childe or not, Pam was not exempt from this rule, not by a long shot. She was just smart enough to learn very early on that she was indeed a spoiled brat, capable of mercilessly badgering her Maker and be reprimanded with only so much as a glare, nonetheless there was an invisible line, which if she so much as dare come near of, no mercy would be shown to her nor any other creature. So, it was no surprise when she immediately threw herself at his feet mid rant and offered her neck to rectify her behavior.

"Forgive me Master, I meant no disrespect. You may bestow any punishment you deem fit"

"Oh, I most certainty will, my_ dearest_ Childe and just for choosing such an inconvenient time to act like a total cunt, when you of all those who roam this earth should know better, prepare yourself for something far less pleasant than a relaxing bubble bath in warm _silver_."

Fuck a Zombie. Fuck A Herd Of Zombies. Just FUUUCK!

It was not enough the way he spat his contempt and disappointment, he was flooding the blood bond connecting them with so much hostility and loathing, she would be lucky if she survived what was zooming towards her at speed of the Big Bang. The brutal force of it all was crippling and making her shake uncontrollably. At his age Eric was well aware, that mental torture, especially if done methodically, was more effective than any physical pain to the flesh, even a vampire, a self-healing one, could sustain. Jedi mind tricks were a bitch, in sooth. It has been centuries since she had to be earnestly punished (none of those, no clothes and shoes splurging for a day this time) and evidently overdue for a reminder. Her self-selective lack to recall the fearful memories was another layer intensifying his fury. The fact that he did not have the time to act on it was already threatening the longevity of her undead existence, like never before.

"Pay homage to all known Gods and deities, Pam, that I would not take your final and true death into my hands as well."

"Yes, Master."

"Rise Childe, it would do you much good to remember you are walking a very thin _silver_ line for the foreseeable future. Am I understood?"

"Yes, Master."

"Excellent. First, I need you to find their vehicle", he noted in the direction of their captives "and make it look like they perished in the bombing, if you need, use one of the four bombs I was able to extract from the club before all hell broke loose. Minimal to no casualties. There should be no doubt of their demise, nothing left to identify their bodies, but a residue of human ashes and a mangled piece of metal with a VIN number."

"Yes, Master."

There was nothing but an unquestionable servitude in her voice or her stone like stagnant facial expression, but their bond exposed the trifling doubt if her Maker was was currently indeed in possession of all his faculties. Sure, they needed them for interrogation, but there was an undertone for a stronger need in his blood, than simply extracting information and covering up their impending demise. If she did not know better it was some minuscule form of longing, she could barely detect it and only because the blood bond was unprecedentedly wide open. The hissing warning she was delivered with made her mentally looking for her own stake, monogram it with a befitting ::here lay stupid:: bejeweled with a smiley faces, all while happily skipping and whistling along, as Beck so poetically put it: I am a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?

"Second, find out what the fuck that was? I know with certainty I got all the bombs out of the bar. There better not be so much as a smudge on my car or nobody will be spared. I swear to the almighty Odin, Shreveport will not even exist as a word in any fucking language, in any fucking realm."

"Yes, Master."

It is not like he needed to breathe, but that was the only way he could think to calm himself before he spurred into a full on homicidal rampage. It was more than an avowal; it was the honest to all Gods truth. Eric has killed for far less and this was his baby we are talking about. It was not even the most expensive car he owned, in fact it was the cheapest, but for some mysterious reason Big Bertha was one of his private pride and joys and he protected her with the uncalled ferocity of a berserker, a deranged berserker at that.

Let's face it, any paperwork since the Great Reveal of vampires was a bitch, enough to hold him back for full four seconds. Honestly who needs three copies of every signed document? As per usual, Eric could not let his contempt slip past unnoticed and if he had to suffer so did everyone else, so not even a decree was going to rectify his childish tactic of sending three copies of factually everything, even an email. At this point it was just pure habit to triple click on the little paper plane. Technology was a long way from catching up with the speed of any vampire, they were lucky he did not send them twenty copies. It was infuriating enough that he had to wait on the stupid thing to catch up to his wishes most days.

No, the only thing stopping him right now was his impeccable self-control, well built over millennium. Long gone was the time he acted rashly or without just cause of provocation. Long gone were the nights of the untenable vampire with the perpetual temper of a toddler. Of course, it took the Ancient Pythoness, her incontestable word of all vampire law and her swift justice to any and all nonsense, but even her gift of an oracle did not prepare her for what is Eric the Norseman. Case in point, he has never expressed gratitude to her and by no means was it because he was just working out the last details of the elegant banquet he was throwing in her honor, that did not mean he did not respect the old bat. After all, he was a lot of things, but foolish or suicidal were not one of them. He just simply had a perfectly reasonable aversion, or so he liked to think, to ill thought out orders, especially ones that commanded him to play the highest level of Enforcer and forced him to deal for centuries with the lowliest of his kind. Any form of punishment they were deemed was just in his steno pad, if not for any reason, but purely on principle for being stupid enough to not cover you tracks and allow yourself to be caught.

Like everything, there is always a positive and a negative to it.

Pros: it helped him practice and fine-tune the fighting skills worthy of the true Viking warrior he was, become an unshakable tracker, an acute survivalist and most of all master his self-control, patience (eh, let's call it a work in progress with plenty of room leftover for improvements), a shrewdly practical and unbeatable strategist.

Cons: his reputation preceded him in this and several more realms, rarely letting him to partake in any fights nowadays. Since, suicide was not in any supernatural dictionary and if a human was to ever best him, well Eric personally was going to fetch his own wooden stake, buff it, file it, decorate it with flowers, rainbows, butterflies and silver engraved it with _here lay stupid_ sigil. In the words of the local scholars: _it ain't never gonna happen._

His new four seconds mantra for shitlot of paperwork was split in the first three used to prepare and center himself, though in reality it took only a fraction of a nanosecond, and the fourth(really all four) was to give his nowadays nonexistent opponents time to reconsider and pull their own shit together. Since, his option for stress relief currently included the deaths of hundred frantic humans a mile away and/or Pam. None of them a worthy adversary, he used the four seconds to chant his mental mantra and take a proverbial deep breath by looking up to the night sky, before returning to his tasks.

His sweet lovely Bertha had better be fine, that is all he had to say to that.

"Third, if any vampire is injured take them to warehouse 1 and get them help."

"Yes, Master."

"Fourth, assign and supervise Long Shadow and Indira to deal with any property damage and coordinate with the human authorities."

"Yes, Master."

"Fifth, summon Heidi to track any leads on who is responsible. Assign Thalia to help her in only capturing and detaining any offenders, she is not allowed to harm or kill them" he sighed, with her temper it was still a wide life-threatening berth, "Tell her she will be severely punished if she disobeys in any capacity." There that should cover it; it is always a let's all cross our fingers and toes and hope so with Thalia. Sigh.

"Yes, Master."

"Sixth, assign Felicia to secure my office or transfer it to Warehouse 3 including whatever (code for whomever) is salvageable from the basement." In other words he was not going to lose daytime dead rest over any prisoners.

"Yes, Master."

"Seventh, any vampire not in risk of bloodlust is to assist the human authorities and gather any available Intel."

"Yes, Master."

"Eighth, summon every vampire of Area 5 to warehouse 3 in three hours. I want full report on how tonight came to be."

"Yes, Master."

"Ninth, I need you to send someone using your car to collect us" again he nodded in the direction of the still screaming and quaking humans.

Really still going? He shook his head. Humans, he will never fully comprehend them.

"Yes, Master."

"Tenth, you have exactly 2 minutes and 15 seconds to accomplish this before you call me with a preliminary report. Your time started 23 seconds ago."

Eric gave her his signature lopsided pompous smirk, finished with one perfectly sculpted raised eyebrow, just daring her to utter one of her usual smartass comebacks. He knew he was being an ass himself, but she had no idea it was only but the beginning of what was to befall her. A human had a better chance fighting off a tsunami with a Popsicle.

"Yes, Master." Pam's answer was just like the previous ones, unwavering in prime obedience.

As she was gathering vamp speed to take on her tasks, his Santa Claus jolly voice stopped her dead in her tracks. He was looking intently at the little family of three incapacitated bodies as he all, but sang to her.

"Oh and Pam, _dear_, convert the bedrooms closest to my underground chamber, with all the amenities needed, into a befitting suite for a young lady with two adjacent crèches. You have until dawn. Off you go."

He did not even say which of his houses he had in mind, just taunting her for any sort of reaction. But as always his child was too astute and in effect knew his needs and wants better than him most times, so of course she had no need for further clarifications.

"Yes, Master" and she was gone.

Thank the Gods for small favors of impeccable vampire memory recall, he never had to repeat himself and if he did, well no one has lived to hear him do so.

He knew his last order was in no shape or form a punishment or even a challenge for her, even if he would have given her a half an hour for execution. She loved shopping and decorating in any capacity, way too much for her own good which was way too unfortunate for Eric's Black American Express card. If anything he probably had just made her night. Sigh. He had no doubt by dawn the late Gianni Versace himself would end up personally installing curtains and mounting shelves.

His Bertha had better be more than ok and his house better not look like Barbie puked her glittery pink guts all over the place.

Shaking his head he pulled his phone out from his back pocket and begrudgingly called a number from his speed dial. The handful of times he had to interact with the little hobbit, or whatever kind of a hell troll she is, always left him with a bitter taste in his mouth and somehow it never got easier to swallow. Yes, he was not an easy man to get along with, fine some may say impossible, but everyone had the good sense to know the key was to show him due respect, follow his lead and all will be swell. It was that simple, really. Not so much, when dealing with the brand of _I don't give two shits rubbed together who you may be_ also known as one, oh so not lovely Dr. Amy Ludwig.

"I need your services. Meet me in my house in ten."

"It will cost you an additional hundred K", she did not even wait for confirmation before she hung up.

There was no love lost between them so why bother with pleasantries. There was never blunt disrespect in their dealings, it was borderline cordial. She had more political sway then all the Gods put together and he could bet his whole fortune, she got a debauched pleasure in imposing it, especially on him. It annoyed him beyond belief like no other that she never asked for an address or the very least pretend she needed directions. She just knew where to show up and not a single ward that he had ever had in effect or had heard of such that could prevent her from popping her little wrinkled ass all over the damn universe.

Bertha had better look like she just strode out of a car wash. Sigh.

Another loud bang shook the ground and the surrounding screams seem to double in their hysteria. He just shook his head at what Pam was sending though their bond, it switched instantly from annoyance and outrage since the time when she arrived on scene to pure bliss. She was indeed in heaven. Sigh again. It would be rectified in due time.

For the first time tonight, since the gates of all hell busted open, he crouched down over the bodies and took notice of their futures. As if on command all three went stock-still and silent, showing no signs of life, completely catatonic. Eric had to truly concentrate his vampire hearing to detect any heartbeats; the ants were making more noise. He actually had to untangle and lay them next to each other in order to lift their eyelids and make sure the spark of life was still there. It was, albeit barely smoldering. It would seem they somehow achieved a perfect self-induced, life undetectable coma. If he was not staring right at them he would not know they were there. Impressive and more than just disconcerting, his vampire instincts perceived them as a threat and was demanding their total annihilation. He rapidly stepped away and put a healthy distance between them before he did something regrettable.

That was the moment when Maxwell approached him and the instant he spotted the limp bodies on the ground his fangs ran out and his pupils dilated. The ambrosial blood called to him like his life depended on it. He attacked before he even knew what was happening. Unfortunately for him almost none were faster or stronger then Eric Northman, so Maxwell never moved a hair away from his stance before he too was brought to his knees by a death grip on his throat.

"MINE" was all Eric roared in his face, shaking the whole forest and it was all it took to snap the young vampire out of his trance.

"Forgive me Master" was Maxwell's instant response and he too, as Pam had earlier, averted his eyes to the ground and bared his neck in submission.

"Leave."

The trembling vampire did not need to be told even once. It took a hell of a lot to cower a vampire into acting so human like. They were too arrogant and pretentious for that to pass, but that was exactly what Maxwell was feeling in this instance. As if he has never been turned and was facing one unbelievably infuriated vampire. He vamp sped out of there before the car keys he handed made contact with Eric's palm.

Eric once again found himself repeating his four seconds shitlot of paperwork mantra to make sure he did not go after one of his underlings. He looked once more to the sky and closed his eyes pinching the bridge of his nose with his right hand. This night was just one shit storm after another.

Bertha had better be looking like she is ready to take first prize in a car show.

He turned and walked back to the motionless bodies. They looked almost angelic in their peaceful state. All three possessed unmistakable familial resemblance. Their blonde hair had a silky shine to it under the moonlight; soft perfect curls cascaded around their faces and encompass them like a halo of pure sunshine. The minor differences were in the shade, length and ringlet's tension. The young woman had the medium flaxen shade of all three, almost identical to his. Eric smiled. Her hair length was a little longer that his and looked like it reached just above her Venice dimples. Her curls were big and gave a nice bouncy volume to her locks. Her lips were a lovely natural deep red, they were plum and complimented her dedicated round nose. Her eyes were the color of bright turquoise, like the icecaps of his homeland. That made Eric smile wider. Mighty Odin and Thor, she was divinely gorgeous! She had perfectly sculpted cheekbones with a light rose ash touch to them. Hmm, wonder what shade of pink her nipples are? Eric pulled down the near left side of the front of her dress and bra. He was met with the most beautiful breast he had ever laid his eyes on, in all his thousand some years. That in itself was more than impressive, seeing how just his mental bust catalog could easily fill the shelves of ancient Alexandria. What can he say; he was a vampire with a very insatiable sexual appetite even before he was turned.

He reached and pulled the other one out as well. He cupped one in his hand and studied it like he was giving it a CBE. It was firm, heavy, feathery smooth with a bright pink bud and there was more than plenty leftover spill that even his enormous hand could not cover. He traced his hand across her warm body to the other and lean down to swirl his tongue around the outline of the former, cataloging each peak and valley of its enticing topography to his eidetic memory as he went on his mini voyage. Her skin tasted like pure sunlight. Just unfuckingbelievable! He never experienced anything even remotely close to this, it made his eyes roll to the back of his head and his body shudder in pure ecstasy. He drew a wet circle with his flat tongue around the crowning of her nipple and blew a breath of cold air on it before hungrily sucking the nipple into his mouth like a starving neonatal. He could feel it enlarge and harden with each of his suctions and watched the other bud responding in perfect synchronism, whilst he pinched and tweaked it roughly with his thumb and middle finger. Eric pulled on and stretched her breast between his teeth running his fang over the sensitive flesh and using all his self-control not to puncture the skin. He did not trust himself if he were to taste her divine nectar from pounding into her like a wild animal through the earth's core and not coming out on the other side. Just playing with her breasts was threatening to make him cum hard and prematurely as the likes of a pathetic adolescent and that has never been a case, not even when long ago he was one. Eric may have finally entered Valhalla. He rolled her nipple between his teeth and sucked it hard one last time before releasing it with a slight pop and gave his new best friends a gentle kiss each. He watched with delight as her breasts bounce in the quake of his admiration. He was not saying goodbye to HIS girls. Yes. He decided her breasts were now HIS favorite toys, HIS perfect girls. No. He was simple assuring them that he was going to see to their needs a little later. Gods, his cock has never been this fucking hard, it was actually physically painful.

Bertha had better be waiting for him out front with a bag of blood when he got home.

Eric turned his focus on observing the teacup humans. Yes, that will instantly kill his raging hardon. He never felt anything remotely sexual towards children even when he had needed to feed on them, the handful of times he had been in a tight spot. Sure, their pure undiluted blood tastes better, but they were prone to being exceedingly easy to drain or at the very least left sick of blood loss. You do not intentionally severe your own food supply, unless you are completely suicidal and vampires certainly were not. So, it was against vampire law to feed on any younglings. Nothing united mortal enemies and turn even humans into dangerous opponents, than a threat to one's fledglings. Plus, he never saw the appeal in an undeveloped body figure.

Eric could never fathom how some vampires would turn a child. It was extremely rare, but it did happen. They never lasted long before they were found and eliminated. There are many reasons they were not allowed to exist. As much as vampires would like you to believe that there is nothing remotely human left in them, their overall personality carried over as a nuance into their undead life. Therefore, even a millennia old vampire turned in its early human teens or younger were forever prone to quick, harsh and ill thought out actions. They were impulsive and most times impossible to reason with. I want it and I want it NOW, with a foot stomp, to hell with the consequences. Overgrown toddlers with god like strength and speed along with a taste for blood and violence, bad idea all around. Eric had the unfortunate assignment previously to dispose a few. It made him fill with world war ire, these were the only killings he gained no pleasure out of, it was not their fault their makers were utter morons. However he took great satisfaction in teaching said idiots the error of their ways in months of delightful torture before sending them, too, on their merry way to their true death by personally ripping their heads off. Eric smiled at these pleasant memories.

Feeling as if he had his lust under control he looked at the little ones' faces more closely. They had similar round button noses like their mother. The boy's eyes were light blue with bright gray undertone while the girls were a darker blue but with deep green flecks. Both pairs of eyes were unique and stunning. The boy's hair was the darkest of the three. All had natural golden highlights and beautifully sun kissed silky skin tone. Both children had perky little pink lips. The little girl had just started growing her almost white hair, which was held back on one side with a small sparkling silver bow. She did not have a lot of hair and Eric was wondering if her mother had to glue it on and if so how was he supposed to get the hair tie out without damaging her. Hmm? Well, Google was his best friend nowadays for anything human related; it has not failed him so far. He was positive he was going to be using it a whole heap in the upcoming future. The bow perfectly complemented her lovely tent cut dress of the same material with big puffy shoulder straps. Even her little silver shoes-socks were part of the ensemble. Her tight curls would make Shirley Temple green with envy. She was going to be one gorgeous woman and the boy one handsome man. Both children looked very healthy with pudgy little limbs and chubby rosy cheeks.

The boys outfit consisted of light tan shorts down to his mid-thigh being held up by light colored suspenders with images of bright red fire trucks on them. He had on a short sleeve dark plaid dress shirt in tones of dark blues and reds, dark blue dress shoes with scrunched tan color socks. The colors were perfectly coordinated and the whole outfit was pulled together with a bowtie of the same red fire truck pattern. Their mother adorned the picture of perfect Southern Belle white with red flowers sun dress and delicate white ballerina slippers. The dress looked so fucking sexy on her (he did not ever dare mapping out her valuations body, let's just say they did not grow them like that anymore) that he would love to rip it off of her before fucking her into submission and his hardon was back with a vengeance. Eric was not aware up to this moment that vampires were indeed capable of getting blue balls. He shook his head to clear it, yet another first for him. She had simple red glass teardrop earrings and slightly larger one around her neck. The quality was not worth the single dollar, but it complemented the overall look charmingly, along with the same red glass diadem with a big bow on the right side. Of course their cloths had seen better days thanks to Pam oh so tender treatment, which was adding to her punishment. She had minimal makeup, light mascara with a light touch of dark pink shadow to perfectly bring out her gorgeous eyes, again light touch of rouge with pink lip-gloss. A deep red lipstick would have been undoubtedly sexier, but would have definitely clash with the acquitted lady demure she presented.

They were all well dressed, though it was obvious that they were of very limited financial means, which had Eric wondering if they were on their way to a party or coming back from a formal dinner? She better not be coming from or going to a date. As far as Eric was concern there was never any father, husband, fiancé, boyfriend nor any kind of male and the children were a product of Immaculate conception. Yet, another first for him, since he found the whole concept as absurd as to declare that there is nothing more a vampire loves than getting his tan on in the midday sun, whilst munching on a delicious cone of pistachio flavor ice cream, whilst coloring in unicorns. Do not even get him started on the concept of original sin. Still he found himself praying to every known god and deity for it to be true, just the thought of another touching HIS Valkyrie was threatening the whole fucking planet. If it meant going to every Sunday night mass for it to be true, he will do so with a smile on his face and let us all lift our hands up and praise Jesus.

Bertha had better look like she just came off the fucking assembly line!

4 seconds, a whole shitlot of paperwork. 4 seconds, a whole shitlot of paperwork. 4 seconds, a whole shitlot of paperwork. 4 seconds, a whole shitlot of paperwork.

Truthfully, the only thing stopping him was him playing with HIS girls aka. Her perfect tits, which he had not stopped doing ever since they met each other. Pulling. Tugging. Twirling. Pinching. Flicking. Oh, how they bounce. Eric smiled. Ah, pure bliss I tell you.

Eric had not even noticed that time was just slipping past him since he started his meticulous assessment of his three beautiful breathers, yet another first. He was so enamored by them that he was not going to stop until dawn ripped him away had it not been for his phone breaking his concentration.

"Report."

"One injured vampire, 17 dead humans, 39 badly injured and 52 thinking their cuts and bruises are worth a damn."

Yes, Pam, tell us how you really feel. In her humble opinion they should just sucked it up and walked it off, never mind they all required hospitalization. Eric almost chuckled forgetting that she was on his short shit list.

"Names."

"Sookie Stackhouse, 24 years 10 months. Hunter Stackhouse, 1 year 11 months. Addy Stackhouse, 6 months" Yes, she knew him well.

"Meet me at my house with the full report."

With that Eric ended the phone call and was ready to leave, when the curiosity about their aroma just would not stop tugging on him and he was positive that he can control himself. He had been doing an impeccable job thus far. So, for the first time he allowed himself to take a deep breath and really take in their smell. NO, it was not possible. They all smelled of fresh morning dew, spring breeze, the open ocean, honeysuckle, hyacinth, twinflower (that made Eric smile bright) freshly cut grass, peaches, berries, freshly baked bread and the list could continue on and on, but it all was giftwrapped around pure undiluted sunshine. It was like the more you try to define the smell, the sweeter the delicious layers there were to peel off. All three were related and all three had their own distinct potency. There was definitely something other of supernatural origin, but it too was a bouquet, that Eric could not simple pin down, yet another first. The children were undoubtedly siblings. NO, it was not possible. If he had he not been a millennium old he would have missed it. All his senses have been so overwhelmed that he had to get closer and really breathe her in. By all the Gods! He gently lifted her on her right side and growled when he saw the damage. Pam may actually meet her final death tonight. He gently licked her deepest cut and it was as if the sun had exploded in his mouth. His eyes rolled way back and he moaned loudly in pure ecstasy as he exploded in his jeans with a force of an angry geyser. A fucking welcome first one in his entire time on earth. He did not even care if anyone saw his shortcoming or hell videoed and posted it to YouTube.

A Virgin! A wonderful little virgin! HIS virgin!

With slight fae flavor!

Bertha can go to hell in a handbasket; he will personally light a match and send her on her merry way.

Eric has never been this deliriously happy ever, alive or undead.

It must be what drug addicts experience during their high, because right now he wanted to skip, sing, twirl and pick flowers to weave into head crowns, like a pungent reeking hippy throwing peace signs.

Eric did not know if he should laugh or cry.

All that he was certain of, is that he has done something right, obviously, in one of his previous lives for the gods to bestow him with this precious gift and he was going to spend every single night of his eternal existence to paying homage.

He leant down and gently pecked each of HIS girls before he kissed her lips and each of the kids' foreheads.

If he was not in a hurry he would have personally tended to each one of their injuries with his healing saliva, but since he never encountered whatever it is that was happening to them he did not want to risk turning them by giving them his remedial blood before consulting with the annoying miniature troll.

Eric gently and carefully picked up the children and the instant they where is his arms with their little heads buried in the crook of his neck, a feeling he never experienced nor could he compare to enveloped him. The closest would be of what he remembered he felt whilst sitting on the shore on a warm summers day and watching the longships dance across the water right before he was deemed a man to join them. Peaceful. Happy. Warm. Contented.

Was he still a Vampire? What was happening to him?

He pulled down the back seat flap of the soccer mom minivan and laid each child down, returning less than a second with _their mother_. For once he could not snipe Pam's choice of vehicle. It was practical. He smiled. He may need to look at getting one now, what with all his passengers. He shook his head. Three words: male = SUV. He was clinging to HIS Angel holding her tightly to his chest, as if this is some kind of cruel joke and karma will spit in his face any second and fly away with all of them, never to be seen again. He was incredibly tender and careful with their bodies, as if they were the most precious cargo in the world. He smiled, to him they were, and so, so much more.

"Oh, Lover, what mysteries do you hold?"

One thing was sure, undead life would never be boring again.

Of course he could not resist and pulled her dress further down to make sure HIS new BFFs, aka the girls, aka the most gorgeous tits were free to breathe. If he was sure he could control himself he would have freed their big sister of the torture contraption of undergarments and lift her dress up, hell, get rid of the offensive pieces all together. Eric smiled and licked his lips envisioning her naked and spread eagle before him. It made him purr.

The drive to his house was spent in a silent conversation with HIS girls, as they readily agreed with all of his decisions by bouncing with glee up and down, with each and every one of their approvals. He did glance a handful of times at the road, just as a courtesy to the other drivers, who could not fathom how he can drive with his whole upper body twisted and leaning between the front seats. The dimwitted breather drivers would jerk and swerve in fear. Little did they know, a vampire could drive across the country blindfolded and with earplugs in without a single accident. Case in point, he had yet to wreck a car and he had been driving for over a century now. Since he never would drive below a hundred miles per hour the ride was way too short for his liking. By the time he opened the door to start carrying them to their new home Eric started to panic. Surely this was not normal and they should have woken by now.

He did not want the little hobbit anywhere near his resting chamber so he wasted no time vamping them into the largest bedroom upstairs. He could hear the work being done downstairs on their new suites. It made him smile like a loon. He had not smiled so much, genuine delightful smiles at that, in a single night in over millennium. It felt like, a smile, was plastered across his face like a permanent tattoo.

Vampires, or supernatural creatures, in general, were by no mean prudes or even slightly modest, but they were the most selfish and possessive creatures. Although very reluctant to see them go, he covered the girls after giving them a thorough goodbye and a lengthy promise that it would not be long before they see each other again for a lengthy undisturbed playdate. Just as he was finishing he heard the sound of a pop announcing Ludwig's arrival in the room. He hated anyone who can teleport. Yes. There may be a smidge of covetousness. Before he could even rise to his full height and register her movements even with his superior vampire sight. He did not even know she could move that fast. She was standing on the nightstand table by the bed which put her less than three and half feet height at perfect eye level to his seriously impressive six foot five inches and she was not one bit intimidated by it, as she maliciously growled in his face.

"Viking, you have exactly two seconds to explain yourself of why you have _THOSE_ _PARTICULAR_ three fairies in your bed and it better be Armageddon, end of the fucking Universe, good, before you _NEVER_ see them again."

…

**So please, please, please let me know what you think. If I should keep going or call it a day, just go ahead and give it to me straight. First time writing, so yeah... I swear I am trying my best for you guys and million thanks to Jules for her help. **


	3. Lights out, asshole!

**First, I want to thank each and every one of you, who have decided to take this journey on the crazy train of AU with me :) Second, I can't even find words to describe, how much your comments mean to me or how they motivate me to keep going, _so please don't be shy on me **guys**_. Last, but not least my beta Jules ROCKS!**

**I know everyone expects me to jump right where I left it off w/ Ludwig (don't freak out people it's further down in this chapter) but first I wanted to have some fun with Miss Pam wham thank you ma'am. **

**So, fasten your seat belts, make sure to keep your hands and feet on the designated areas and here we goooo…. Enjoy :)**

…

What a fucking zombie mess! A downright zombie apocalypse! Hysterical punctured blood bags running around aimlessly in every possible trajectory whilst screeching like deranged banshees. A heavy cloud of smoke and debris ware still raining down, like the great flood decided to make an impromptu pit stop in front of Fangtasia. The asphalt pavement was covered with blood, numerous burnt mutilated bodies, as well as parts and pieces just recently attached to one, all scattered about like _blood_crumbs to complete this _lovely picturesque landscape_. The three fortunate vampires on duty this humid, late June Louisiana night, were heavily making out and feeding on random, more than willing, fangbangers (ok let's just call it for what it really was: they were fucking them mercilessly), who obviously were too dense to realize the danger they were in and thanks to the blood bags _willing_ stupidity, said vampires were on the verge of igniting one hell of a supernatural bacchanalia. If only the _liberals_ in Fox News can get their hands on that footage. Pam snickered envisaging Bill O'Reilly playing commentator to, oh say, the last vampire/fairy war. Sigh. She unfortunately was not even born then, but the tales of the orgies, which took place in the midst of the mayhem, were legendary and Eric, of course never missed in pointing out to her that he started half of those wassails. Sigh, again.

On top of all tonight's havoc, one scorched, out of town, dim vampire lay stuck under a black smoldering van, which had somehow reared itself into the front façade of the bar, seeing how it was missing a driver or even a passenger and there was no chance for any human to walk away from this scene unscattered. The vampire was missing the lower parts of both legs and one hand, and was trying in vain to get his good hand onto any viable blood source. Guess that would be a good starting place as any to proceed carrying out Eric's orders.

Pam vamped and grabbed the deranged vampire from under the scorched van, she hissed at the burn she received from touching the hot metal. She really hated fire in any capacity, just like any normal self-respecting vampire. Thank you, Sir Humphry Davy, for bringing us out of the dark ages and pissing all over the malodorous fire torches and gas lamps. If she still had a need for said human bodily function she would have happily joined him in his grand celebration. Meanwhile the ungrateful handicapped cretin was trying to fight her for her neck, of all things and got himself a venomous growl and a perfectly manicured right hook, successfully severing his spinal cord, putting him indubitably out of a commission for the rest of the night. The vampire does not fall far from its Maker; she too had zero patience policy on stupidity. Lights out, asshole!

Ungrateful little shit! There is no pleasing some people these days.

She vamped to Long Shadow, with the visiting vampire dangling in her right hand, and grabbed him by the neck with her left, just as he was about to reverse position and start ramming some fangbanger from behind, taking all three far away from the surrounding bedlam.

"What the FU…?"

"Shut the fuckup, unless you want me to take you out too!" with that Pam unceremoniously threw the proof to her threat at his feet.

"Bitch!"

"Well, thank you." She gave him her sweetest fang smile for his wonderful compliment, which was still way far off from anything sweet. "Summon the others."

As she kicked the head of the incapacitated, sorry excuse for a vampire sprawled at her feet in heart full gratitude for ruining her Goth getup, if it was not for Eric's offensive dress code requirement she would never allow such atrocity to touch her cold skin. That was when she noticed four humans, on the opposite side to the chaos, fearfully observing her while hesitantly trying to retreat inside a black van, same make and model as the one currently redecorating the front of Fangtasia.

Motherfuckers! Can they really be that stupid?

They should have left before their handy work was even a figment of their thoughtless imagination. She had the three enormous brutes instantly taken care of with a right, left, right and a thump to the head knockout sequence, but the fourth had obviously more extensive military training, because he actually managed to shoot her in the right shoulder with a WOODEN bullet during their scuffle. Eric will never let her hear the end of it, when he finds out. Argh! To say that she was outraged would be to state Walmart was a supreme fashion power house. As if! She did not even think twice before she was tearing into his neck and ripping him limb from limb. She did learn from one of the best after all. Imbecile, that would teach him not to mess with his superiors. Lights fucking OUT, asshole!

In less than two seconds he was nothing but a pile of bloody slush. She looked to the right and saw Long Shadow, Thalia and Felicia doing their best to drain his compadres.

"Do not kill them! Felicia, take them all to Warehouse 3 for questioning. Make sure to double check for weapons. Fucker got me with a wooden bullet." Of course after her mini banquet her shoulder looked as good as ever, with only traces of smeared blood.

That had the present vampires hiss and ready to go on attack again. Thalia, as per her usual, needed an incentive to halt her actions. Therefore, Pam had to quickly rip the idiot from her death grip and tossed him over her head like a sack of potatoes. He landed on the ground with a satisfying bone crushing thud. Sigh. Seems like Pam was going to have her hands full of dimwits at every turn tonight. Sigh again. Like seriously, the last thing she needed right now was to have to defend the blood bags from what should have been their _more than warranted _demise.

"Long Shadow, strip their car of any useful Intel and bring it to the middle entrance of the parking lot. Felicia, secure Master's office and anything salvageable from the basement, bring it all to Warehouse 3. Anything that is too far gone, scatter around the front of Fangtasia. (code for kill any prisoner that looks like would not stand even an hour of torture). Thalia, call everyone to come to Fangtasia for assistance and to clean this mess." She kicked what used to be her pitiful assailant from her boots and she was off to the next task, which she still could not wrap her head around.

Eric was acting like he was going to keep the three breathers, who were stashed in the woods, permanently. Sure they smelled divine, but who wants the headache of keeping pets around? He never did!

Pamela Ravenscroft lifted her flawlessly shaped right eyebrow in utter disbelief. No way did this yellow boneshaker passed its DMV annual safety and emission inspection. Blasting the shit out of it was actually disrespectful to the three explosive devices she was currently holding. Where do you ask would her genius Maker stash said explosives? But of course, where else, in his beloved Bertha. It was a stroke of pure luck the bombing was directed to the front of the club and not nearly as heavy-duty efficient to impinge on the employee parking lot behind the now half levelled building. Shreveport, Louisiana, was safe for another night, it seems. Shaking her head she used her strength to rip the car door open, but not even the sweet aroma of their three strange captives coupled with the lingering fragrance of warm sunshine could compensate for the rancid stench of snot, spew, piss and feces. It hit her like a derailed freight train on a mission. If she was not a vampire she was sure she would have been gagging by now. She was never a fan of the human lunchables and there is your reason why. Just for having to maneuver the offensive yellow rustic _shit_marine across the strip mall Eric should reward her with the next hundred years of Fendi's Fall and Winter collections, at the very least.

She exited the deathtrap quicker than a speeding bullet and rummaged through the shopping bag, she found close by for any identification. Once she had the driving license in her hand she hurled the remaining contents in the passenger seat, shut the door with as much force without it falling off. She would never get the putrid stench out of her hair, she was certain of it. Nasty micro hominids should have just stayed in the trees, where they belong. (Word to the wise, if you are into the new age trend of smart healthy living, a good way to achieve that is by never reminding Pam, that she too was part of the herd at one time.) And what the fuck is a Sookie? Even the almighty Google was scratching its head dumbfounded after her quick reference search. 0 results found, check your spelling. Thanks asshole. Were her parents tripping on some heavy-duty acid when that stroke of a pure genius hit them! Were they that redneck illiterate that could not manage to spell a cookie? Sookie, fo real? Like seriously? Welcome to bumfuck Louisiana, ladies and gentlemen!

She looked at Long Shadow impatiently waiting for her by the black van and started devising a plan of action.

"Check with Felicia if any of the basement merchandise has expired and bring me ones resembling a young female and two snack packs. I need them for unidentifiable ashes worth of 144, 36 and 18 lbs. of body weight" the whole statement was delivered in perfect German, which Pam knew he was fluent in.

"We took care of a female drainer earlier today that will do, but where the fuck do you want me to get you two juice boxes, it's not like they come to play hopscotch on the dance floor every night" he hissed back in Mandarin just to piss her of, because everyone knew, that to this day, she never could get her conjugations correct.

"Use your pathetic imagination asshole; repackage a worthless blood bag into the approximate quantities, glamour a crackhead fangbanger into snorting the excess cinders, just prove you are not utterly incompetent. You have less than 15 seconds. In no more than three minutes the Police and fire trucks will be here." She sassed right back in her usual bored tone. Why does she always get stuck dealing with the utmost inanity?

Pam wasted no time arranging two of the bombs in the yellow poor excuse for transportation and the third in the black van, dousing them with as much gas she could get her hands on from nearby cars; they can call for a taxi, ambulance or a hearse for all she cared. Any self-respecting vampire had his trunk fitted out with a full arsenal of silver, iron, gold, wooden and titanium weapons, a gas can, a fire torch, cash in a minimum 5 different currencies, a change of clothes and fake ID papers just for emergencies such as this or maybe that was the paranoia of her Maker. Either way she was thankful for his resourcefulness, no one was ever going to catch her with her Agent Provocateur panties down. She called Thalia to instruct her to retrieve and secure the one bomb still remaining in Eric's beloved Bertha. God help us all, if it goes off. Pam shuddered at the thought. She may be a spoiled brat as he claims, but she was not suicidal.

Next, she called Spider, a mastermind, weird as fuck, hacker, that is putting it politely, to gather a full report together of one Sookie Stackhouse from Bon Temps, Louisiana, wherever the fuck that was, and anyone and anything remotely related to her. His services were not cheap, he did not lift his pinky for anything less than a hundred grand, but he was impeccable at his job, never asked questions and kept his trap shut at all times, a must when dealing with her kind, all thanks to the fact no one knew where the fucker resided. Genius, indeed. Once your money transfer was cleared, you say jump, he asks how high? In less than 47 seconds her phone was already beeping with his preliminary report of 35 pages. That should have been Bobby's job, but Eric's dayman was proving to be incapable of following even the simplest directions (how does one screw up dry-cleaning, really?) or showing any thought process for that matter. Case in point, the moron thought that it was acceptable to shop for her Maker at Armani _Exchange_ for a Christmas gift, nonetheless. Just the store name itself was an indication such an act was deplorable. Over her true dead body would her Maker be caught in anything less than a Dormeuil tailored work of Art. Did Eric really strike him like he celebrated baby Jesus birthday or maybe he looked like he was into drinking eggnog and serenading carols to the local vermin? One of these days she was going to permanently shut his lights out that was for damn sure. Still, Eric claimed him to be a loyal subject. Sigh.

After Long Shadow arrived with what used to look like a young female and a male in his mid-teens they got to work in staging the fateful scene of Sookie Stackhouse and her children's tragic deaths. Ever since the Great Reveal, drainers of all ages seems to think they can dabble in vampire blood and live to boast about it. All they did was provide vampires with endless torture entertainment with a zero survival rate. It did not take the two vampires long to finish their task, vampires seems to rise after being turned with a sixth sense in how to cover their tracks, though CSI was proving to be a pandemonium bitch in the last couple of decades. Still, the supernatural world had millennia of practice on humans. Your lights never even went on, morons!

Finally to the jubilant part of the night, was all Pam could think, as she and Long Shadow kicked with all their might the two vehicles straight into one another, right after they threw a lit match in their gas tanks. They even had the forethought to stuff the van with any expired merchandise (aka. prisoners) from the basement. The whole thing lit like the Fourth of July making her squawk and clap, with the likes of a true lunatic. She despised fire but she worshipped fireworks, go figure. Thalia and the eleven vampires she summoned now looked at her like she has grown a fifth head. Screw them, she was not going to let some stuck up vampires shit on her parade. How often do you get to scream _Yeah, Get Some!_ in earnest? Ever since Eric made her sit through that dreadful Generation Kill excuse for a TV miniseries, she wanted to say it. It was her turn to pick a movie that night, damn it. She would never understand his fascination with everything and anything war or military related. Know thy enemy, her ass, they saw less than ten min of action in three months or in the seven hours of her undead life, that she would never get back and that is not counting how many times they got lost on route to their targets. Plus she was still adamant the main character was his long lost brother from another mother, no matter how much he claims the Viking sex God that is Eric Northman has never had nor will he ever have even a _close_ equal. Sadly, she still had work to do and no time to truly enjoy the chaos of now unequivocally panic-stricken blood bags. She vamped to the closest ten humans and got them instantly under her glamour.

"You will swear to the human authorities that you witnessed a blonde mother and her two young children were trying to drive out of the parking lot, when a black van intercepted them resulting in this massive explosion"

She turned to the vampires and commanded "Make sure all who saw the cars explode will attest to this as well."

Pam did a quick vamp sprint through the bedlam of earsplitting, blood and tears leaking vermin to assess the situation and called her Maker with her report. She quickly relayed all his orders to the now seventeen vampires and did not wait the 3 minutes and 58 seconds for the human authorities to finally show up and start hauling the idiots away from her. She was this close with losing her last ounce of patience and permanently shutting them all the hell up. It took a full 5 minutes and 21 seconds for the first responders to finally make it there after the floodgates of hell burst that night, pathetic in sooth. Vampire Police force was on scene less than a minute and 28 seconds covering up exposure of any and all vampire business as well as doing the human authorities jobs. Humans should really invest into more supernatural counterparts for emergency services, yeah right, like that would ever happen. Therefore, she had no quarrel leaving Long Shadow and Indira in charge to deal with that bag of incompetence.

Pam could not wait any longer to get on with the best part in the night; shopping and redecorating, albeit for outrageously fetid anthropoid dwarfs. She had the sinking feeling that it would be an eternity until she would be given the chance to indulge herself in her most favorite pastime activity again, if ever. Heavy-duty sigh. Using the Bluetooth in Big Bertha she called her least favorite person on the planet.

"Dog, I am assuming you are dutifully paying off your Pack's debt working on my Master's house as we speak?" she asked in the most cheerful sounding voice of a true shopaholic during a NY Fashion Week.

"I have a name, _Pamela._" Alcide Herveaux growled back at her.

He could not stand the bloodsucking bitch and still could not fathom why a vampire would ever need a four story plantation mansion with outdoor and underground seasalt heated pools, saunas, bowling alley, movie theater and all kinds of crazy unnecessary shit; it is not like they are a social bunch throwing Super Bowl rally parties for the neighborhood and thank God for small favors making sure they shoot blanks. (Just the thought of a vampire with a house full of vamping diapered fangtykes gave him the shivers.) What, a hole in the ground or a snug coffin not good enough for The Northman? He had been stuck, with his crew, in this god forsaken monstrosity of a house for over week now and still had another week to go. The fuckers would not let them leave the premises, working 24/7 and he would bet his right canine testicle, it was all due to her creepy fashionista ass, he doubted the Northman would even step a foot in here.

"That you do, puppy, but you also never skip wearing your rancid pelt every full moon", Pam would never miss a jab at a lowlife werewolf, plus, he set himself up for that one.

"What do you want vampire?" he snarled.

"Are you all done with the underground layer?"

"Yeah, we finished it today at noon, we are working on his greenhouse right now, next is the wood workshop and then his _art_ _studio_" he snickered.

Well, he would not be giggling like a schoolgirl for long, after Eric glamoured any information pertaining to the house out of them. Moronic frisbee chasers.

"Wonderful. Now, remove all furniture and start priming the walls of the three bedrooms to the right of his daychamber for new color themes and start planning to turn the adjoining bathrooms into fully functioning human lavatory facilities, you have until dawn for them to be fully finished"

He was too stunned to respond plus she hung up on him, as always.

By the time she got to the house, Pam had summoned her top three choices of interior decorators and perused over seventeen high end designer websites on her iPhone and the tablet he left in his car. Undead life could not be better right now, that is until she giddily vamped in the upstairs bedroom only to witness Ludwig lethally growling in Eric's face.

"Viking, you have exactly two seconds to explain yourself of why you have _THOSE_ _PARTICULAR_ three fairies in your bed and it better be Armageddon, end of the fucking Universe, good, before you _NEVER_ see them again."

All Pam could do is drop her fangs and look dreamingly at the three comatose bodies spread on the enormous bed in front of her, like a delicious all you can eat buffet.

"Fairies!" her voice was all but a ghostlike whisper, unable to hide her inordinate hunger.

That snapped her Maker and the little gnome doctor from their mutual murderous intents and Eric was on her for a second time tonight, this time crushing her windpipe like a pathetically friable twig.

"Leave. Go to your task and speak to no one of this." He snarled and the tone of voice screamed _bloody and painful murder._

Pam was gone in less than a blink of an eye, she was not going to touch this shipping container of Godwin psychotic crazy. No wonder Eric has been acting like a possessed maniac. The emotions she was feeling through their bond for the last ten minutes were all over the place and as close to a crack cocaine addict on the trip of his life as a vampire could get without actually draining a full blooded fairy. Their blood was literally vampire crack. Yum! It really stung that she was under her Maker's command to stay away from their ambrosia blood.

"One Mississippi, t…" Ludwig counted, completely ignoring the supernatural family disturbance call playing out in front of her. Vampires. Were you expecting a five minute timeout facing the corner? She had shit to do and was in the process of hopping on the bed to secure her patients. She will send him his bill trough PayPal.

Eric did not give her a chance to finish counting as he attacked her with all his might. She was batshit, out of her ever loving fucking mind, crazy, if she thought he was going to allow her to take HIS breathers away from him. They were HIS family now. He pounced no her like a lion on a pack of hyenas with the strength of a fully demented berserker; all he saw was bright jam-packed red. Eric had never felt such potency for bloodlust, it was otherworldly intense and in retrospect he should have known better. Seeing how the irreplaceable supernatural healer, respected by all, never took a stand in any conflicts or politics, a protective force field of blinding yellow light flung him rearwards with the power of a nuclear bomb. It happened so unexpectedly and so fast, he could not under oath testify if indeed, if she did put her wrinkled index digit over his heart or if he ever got so much as within five feet near her. Her impressive Jedi mind control, if it was even her _Force_ doing it, had him catapulting through the opposite wall, hallway corridor and straight through the wall of the adjacent bedroom like a dirty ragdoll. Whatever magic she unleashed had him pinned down, spread eagle for all the world to see, five feet off the floor against the wall and utterly immobilized. Eric snarled savagely and tried in vain to even twitch a pinky. This might be the first time for Eric the Norseman to actually feel despair, his wild untenable beast and true Warrior spirit would never allow for such thing, not even when tasked to face enemies centuries older than him. But the panic that he may lose them, he just found them, all the Gods be damned. NO! He will not allow himself to even venture down that road, NO ONE took from him and lived to tell about it.

Pam was at his side before he even made final contact with the wall and he sent her a warning to get out of there through their bond, he will send for her as soon as he had devised a plan and gained the upper hand. She hesitated to leave him so vulnerable and this time he used a heavyweight maker's reverse call through their bond and sent her flying far from this crazy pandemonium. As she was being ripped away by an invisible force, she did manage to make a mental note to add to the never ending construction list for Alcide to patch the gigantic holes in the shape of one uber-pissed off Viking. It was nice knowing you doc, not!

"Are you fucking kidding me Northman?" Ludwig was not even the least bit fazed.

"I swear to all the Gods of Asgard, I AM GOING TO KILL you Ludwig, I will hunt you down like a fucking pathetic animal even in sunny bright Faerie, there will be no place in all the worlds for you to hide from me and mine, I will never rest until I obliterate you and anyone or anything even remotely close to you, your fucking milkman isn't ….." Eric boomed, but Ludwig just tuned him out, like an annoying infomercial.

Eric was roaring with so much venom in his voice, the house was shaking down to its foundation, plaster was falling off the walls like a sand castle in a rain storm. He was fighting with more strength that he knew he had and managed to actually gain a foot in her direction. The little doctor paid him no mind as she arranged to grab Sookie's hand in her right as she leaned to the left to take Hunter's and Addy's in her other.

"FUCK OFF, Viking! I'll like to see you try." She taunted.

At the precise moment she was gathering magic to teleport them, her black leather Gladstone like bag, which she had abandoned on the floor when she first entered this douchebaggery, busted open discharging a glowing rondure, blinding in its bright breathtaking appearance with the likes and beauty of the sun itself. The power and odor of magic was so dense it was suffocating, any being not of supernatural nature would have been annihilated instantaneously. The force was so immense that it sent Pam and the whole work crew well outside the property boundary lines, it surrounded the house in a clearly visible sun sphere, even to the naked human eye. Pam just sat there observing, dumbfounded, in awe of how to assist with whatever Eric had gotten himself into. She tried to rush to him, but whatever ward was in effect did not burn her, nonetheless it would not allow her to advance a millimeter either.

This time it was Ludwig's turn to be forcefully ripped through the air landing her directly in front of her medical bag with a thump. If Eric was not temporarily knocked out he would have sneered in pure glee. The only thought that went through his mind as the light engulfed him and repelled him backwards was that this is not even close to the end; he would find a way to come back and get HIS family and rip the little hobgoblin limb by fucking limb, bathe and dance in her blood. As he snapped back to reality a second later in total shock of his impeccably preserved body, the first thing he noticed was that all the injuries to each of the three family members had finally stopped bleeding and they were now out of danger of succumbing to excessive blood loss. He watched in wonder as a large gold crystal stone, likes of which he has never witnessed before, floated upwards and landed in Ludwig's outreached left palm.

"How may I be of service to you my ….."

Whoever she was communicating with must have cut her off because all she did was bow her head in submission and stayed silent and motionless for a long time only occasionally sparing a glance towards the little family of three still spent telepaths ending each time with a slight confirmation nod. Eric put all his concentration into hearing what was being said, but it was absolutely futile, all he was privy to was her responses.

"Yes."

Silence.

"No."

Again nothing but silence.

"Yes."

More fucking SILENCE.

"As you wish." she threw an extremely suspicious glance at Eric as she continued speaking in an utmost serious tenor. "I hereby pledge my life and loyalty to THINE and vow to THY, no harm will come to them." she bowed low with all sincerity.

Again with the cryptic shit, someone better start singing like a canary or heads will roll!

"A quick advance warning would have be …." she was once again brought to a deadly halt as she lowered her whole body even further in an upmost respectful bow.

Whatever was happening was of epic magnitude, to say the least and this really started to unnerve Eric. You do not lightheartedly pledge loyalty to anyone in the supernatural world, any form of waiver to such act is to sign ones death warrant. He did not give a single shit of who was pledging fealty to whom, all he was certain of was that, they were HIS family and no one was taking them anywhere without HIS permission.

"I apologize, I meant no disrespect." was her quick show of total obedience.

It tickled Eric's funny bone to see the little hell troll bend over ready for a spanking and he could not help but sneer at her, earning him a look that could kill in return.

That put Eric at slight ease but his never ending effort to free himself and take them all to safety doubled when three pulsing bright orbs shot out of the crystal and advanced towards the peacefully sprawled bodies. His panic over the unprecedented scene was back and in triple force. He fought and watched helplessly as each orb settled above its corresponding telepath under the vigilant supervision of the sun bright rondure and started to enlarge and pulsate faster and faster, as if they were breathing heavily in preparation for something not very pleasant to commence. With a final enormous harmonized pulse they forced all three telepaths to violently arch forward and as if performing a trick by lure pulled three small pulsating sun orbs from their chests right where their hearts were located. This could not be good, was all Eric could think and continued to pray that this would not be the last image of them he was left with as he slips back to his dead and cold eternal existence, which would undoubtedly be as such, if he did not find a way to permanently secure their warmth to him. The larger three orbs hovering above the smaller ones darted towards the breathtaking (though terrifying) sun rondure and combined with it in a blinding exposure, successfully creating one large ray of light sunny globe. To the human eye it would have been missed, but he could clearly see a throbbing Waning Gibbous with its own black ray in the center of the now big sun luminous rondure.

Eric whimpered as he watched their faces take on a painful state as their little sun spheres advanced up their bodies in the direction of their brows. Their action started to mimic the previous three larger orbs, as if they had formal training of years doing so and could graciously and fluently perform with their eyes closed. The three orbs started pulsating also in a steadily faster and faster cadence and flowed backwards in the air as if they had weaved an invisible thread around their targets and were pulling them out in the open. First was Sookie's small radiating Waning Gibbous to emerge from her forehead and steadily advance towards the small sunny orb awaiting its fusion. However, as soon as the process began to duplicate in action with the children, Sookie eyes snapped wide open with no detectable life inside them and violently started to fight against the unknown to her, or Eric, ritual. No sound was coming from her, she was just as deathly silent as before, but her whole body thrashed and convulsed with brutal force almost shattering her bones in the process, white foam started running from her mouth.

"Shit!" Ludwig whispered in a ghastly defeated tone as the large luminescing globe instantly ceased any further action and dwindled to half its size.

All the small sunny orbs instantly returned in their original places, inside the once again motionless family of three. Only the foam running down Sookie cheek was evidence that anything toxic had taken place.

Eric roared a ferocious warrior's cry for battle, not heard by humans in over a thousand years. He lost it completely, when he saw the first sign of distress in Sookie. The beast tore through him like an untenable and viciously rabid animal demanding the death of everything in its path. Not even halfway through Sookie's frantic reaction that lasted but a second, he was ripping at the force holding him back like it was some sort of a bad joke. He did not know nor cared how he was capable of extracting a pure black pellet of energy from his chest cavity sending all furniture flying at an ungodly speed in all directions. Eric looked like he was the eye of a tornado and nothing in his path stood chance for survival. He had crossed the length of the two bedrooms and was mere inch away from taking his revenge on Ludwig when she screamed in full horror.

"Little help over here!"

The sun luminescing rondure precipitously absorbed the dark energy in its entirety and forced it back into Eric making him double over in pain. It was as if his heart had been torn apart twice in less than a second and now it was contracting heavily as if he was trying to catch his breath, something utterly foreign to his millennium existence. He once again found himself restrained of any movement. At least he was physically closer to HIS family now.

"I will fucking kill all of you, I will find you and …." He boomed.

Well the sun rondure obviously had no patience for Eric either, as it shoved a small extension of itself down his throat and effortlessly silencing his tirade. Eric hissed in menace as it scorched his throat. It too had shit to complete and babysitting a dimwit vampire was by no means part of its job description, so it graciously flowed back to Ludwig leaving him to sulk all by his deserted lonesome. She extended her free right hand to it and two small glass vials of different fluorescent substances appeared in it. One was green and the other one sky blue, she stashed them wordlessly in her pocket as she went to her bag to return the crystal she has been holding and retrieve a couple of pouches of what smelt like medicinal herbs. She teleported in the middle of the bed and poured a single drop of the green liquid in each of the three telepaths mouths, which had Eric intensify his fight belligerently against, whatever was restraining him, all over again. He did not trust anything these two wackos were trying to do and if they harmed his Angel in any shape or form again, nothing was going to stop him from killing them after painfully torturing them for an eternity.

The large sun bright rondure pulsed, as if more than just annoyed with him at this point and started gliding him through the air towards the bed. Eric ceased all combat and gratefully accepted its decision. He was settled not so graciously against the headboard with a loud bang to his thick head, his legs were spread open with a rough kick to each and making Ludwig snicker; however Eric just smiled and purred in response. He was finally getting his wishes answered and actually blew raspberries and stuck his tongue out at her in victory as Sookie was gently lifted and positioned to lay on her stomach between his feet with her face across his chest followed by Hunter and Addy landing in each of his awaiting arms as he tightly hugged them to his cold body. Finally! He sighed in uncontained delight. He stretched his gigantic arms and lovingly started petting his perfect girls (AKA the most magnificent tits in all the worlds), he truly missed them being so far away for so long. He purred and vibrated in unadulterated joy and rubbed his face all over the three telepaths marking them with his scent. Ludwig just shook her head in utter disbelief at his childish behavior, if only she had taken a video, she would have made a killing. Eric was just about to clean the white dry crust of foam around Sookie's mouth by licking it diligently when Ludwig screamed in fear.

"Stop! Tell me you have not taken any of their blood, Viking." Her tone was colder than ice.

"Why?" Who the hell was she to tell him what he can and cannot do with them, they were HIS to do as he please.

"Just answer the question vampire." the little doctor hissed impatiently as the rondure started to illuminate brighter and brighter.

"She had passed out and I didn't wanted her to deteriorate from massive blood loss, so I cleaned her deepest gash" Eric tried to defend himself, yeah even to him it sounded lame. Though he was not lying _per se_, it was the logic behind closing that specific injury after all.

The sun rondure started throbbing in pure anger and purposely darted away from Eric before it gave him a piece of its mind, if it did there would not be much of Viking left. Ludwig quickly followed it and stretched her arm to receive another small vial, this one filled with a fluorescent magenta, almost blindingly pink in nature.

"Get up Viking"

Eric made no attempt whatsoever to leave his comfy place of being squished under HIS family, plus he was on a playdate with the girls. He was too high on joy of having the three of them finally in his arms, if anything he was annoyed that they still had not woken up. He should have been already playing tug -of- war with HIS little boy whist mercilessly tickling HIS little girl, all the while being showered with feather like kisses from their mother.

"Unless you have a death wish of being slowly turned into a delirious lunatic or get so lucky to only receive the beating of your undead life by THINE, I sincerely recommend you get your pesky ass over here vampire!"

"Do I really have to?" Eric whined worse than any two year old and all but stamped his foot in protest.

Maybe the little hell troll had a point something was definitely out of whack with him.

The sun rondure was done with his little charade and literally teleported his ungrateful ass in front of Ludwig. Seeing how this was his first time riding the supersonic bullet train of the supernatural world, without voluntarily purchasing his ticked he may add, Eric swayed from side to side in his dazed and confused state. Ludwig just had to put her hands on his abdominal and truly suck all the joy out of him. Eric hissed in pain. She had the worst bedside manner and she calls herself a doctor, his torture practices had more tenderness than this.

"How long ago did you take her blood?"

"Why?" he was back to whining.

He just wanted to get back into bed with HIS family and his BFF's, damn it.

"So I can make a professional ratio calculation of time to proper antidote quantity" Ludwig hissed back annoyed.

Well, he was not that trilled with her and her uninvited sidekick either, so they can pitch their own tents right next to his and join his exasperated party of one; watch how many fucks he gives. Eric did not answer her and just picked his phone out of his pocket, which miraculously was still intact and functioning after the mother of all wall smashing he had received earlier. He was going to double his stocks in Apple later tonight, for sure. Pam's vampire gift of dead accurateness in anything number related was very handy as much as it was unbearably annoying most days.

"Pam, how long ago did you feel me cum harder than the Big Bang?" The memory put a smile on his face.

"16 minutes, 58 seconds. Eric, what the hell is..?" He promptly hung up on her and did not even bother relating the message; any supernatural creature would have been able to hear her loud and clear.

Ludwig narrowed her eyes at him halfway through his question, she wore an overall unreadable expression however. Eric just smiled brightly at her. She should have been there; it was nothing short of fucking PHENOMENAL. The sun rondure though, was, plain as day, displaying its outrage and murderous fury by pulsing impossibly bright in his face by the time Pam started talking. The illumination was making Eric squint involuntarily, before it darted straight for Sookie to lovingly pat her face with its rays and hovered down her body to her lower abdomen. It was more than obvious to any supernatural that it simply smelled her and when it moved to check the children Eric hissed and was just about to display his own outrage in a form of a single finger when Ludwig cut him off.

"Drink this" she ordered as she handed him the small magenta phial.

Okay, now we have a couple of problems here, first whoever issued her doctors degree was a total phony and a complete whack job or she skipped the full day of extensive lecturing, which covered the uber long material of what is a strict vampire diet; containing one single item: blood. Mostly whatever she was selling was fucking PINK of all colors and he was not buying it, not a chance it hell. There is a reason he had a healthy aversion to the said color, it was fucking GIRLY and he is all man, damn it. As if she had even the slightest clue to what he was thinking, he dropped his jeans to the floor in order to demonstrate the proof of all his Viking sex God magnificence, accompanied with a vigorous verbal declaration.

"No way!"

"Then have it your way fool." She answered in equal zeal.

Ludwig was asexual for sure, she looked at him with as much interest as anyone would when watching the weather channel. Next thing Eric knew she barely missed his sterile baby maker by injecting a syringe full of pink liquid emptying it directly into his vein. He may not need his remarkable equipment for the basic reproductive purposes, but that did not mean he was not committed to its wellbeing. You could say he devoted his whole undead life to proving its worthiness despite its shortcoming to produce little towheaded Vikings. This Viking has never had a single complaint submitted against it, nothing less than A-one praises from all customers.

"What the fuck Ludwig?"

"You chose option B" she shrugged, as if where else would she administer the cure to his stupidity.

Uh, Eric could think of at least ten better places, nevertheless he could not deny to instantly starting to feel more like himself. Did he really blow raspberries at her less than a minute ago?

"Do not attempt to take any type of fluids from them until they wake."

"And the reason for that would be?" His patience with the little doctor was evaporating by the second.

"Because you are lucky you are not someone else or you would've dropped deader on the spot and in your case you have got what you deserved vampire, too bad we caught it so early." Her voice was drowning in disappointment.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Eric hissed.

"It means that their blood right now was slowly, but steadily making you high as a kite."

"And that would be bad because?" Eric looked at her utterly bewildered and seriously could not think of one single reason why that would be a bad idea and anything short of _this is fucking AWESOME_.

"Oh hey, if you want to start twirling and plucking flowers from your rose garden while singing_: It's a wonderful world after all_ while chit chatting with Dumbo and his pink elephant buddies or better yet attempt to win a philosophical debate with the local redneck scholars of why screwing with your sister or cousin doesn't constitute as _spreading them genes 'round_, don't let me stop you. Knock yourself out tough guy."

Well, that fucking blows, what happened to gorging oneself on blood and good old orgies till dawn and no clue to who this Dumbo was or the song she was talking about. Eric may have pouted a little.

"Yeah, I thought so. Though I wouldn't mind watching you prank call The Council or The Pythoness to tell her to go suck on sunshine" she laughed. The sound was straight out petrifying; Eric was convinced she has never so much as cracked a smile in her life, because the whole deed looked out of place on her face.

Ok, fine bad fucking idea, he got the point.

"Did anything traumatic happen before they became unresponsive?" Ludwig asked after she calmed, it took a while, but she finally got there.

"If you want to call bombing the shit out of some hundred worthless humans, sure something traumatic happened" in other words NO "by which point these three decided to act like total nut cases. Any ideas as to why that was, oh wise doctor?"

"Shit, no wonder." She murmured.

Eric just cocked an eyebrow. He already was itching to kill her; she can't be that stupid, could she?

Four seconds, shitload of paperwork and in her case a fucking forest of paperwork.

"Yes, I do and no I'm not going to tell you as to what they are. It's for me to know and for you to find out."

"What the hell is wrong with them?" Eric boomed at her, he had lost all patience with the little hell troll.

"Calm the fuck down vampire. Nothing mentally is wrong with them. The problem with them is that they are at the gates of the Crease, stuck in the Total Eclipse." Ludwig said this way to fucking calmly for Eric's liking.

….

**OK, my friends now is the time to (_pretty, pretty)_ please let me know what you think, your comments **truly **motivate me and thank you for reading :)**


	4. The F you will!

**KIDS' MOTHER: I'm glad you guys are asking the questions I'm trying to steer you towards, although poor li'l Addy got snubbed somehow on that one, guess she doesn't count since she isn't in SVM. The answer to that mystical part of the story is not so black or white and we will be exploring this arc maybe longer than some of you may like to. I'll give you a hint: This is a VERY magical AU fiction, so let your imagination go and reach far above the stars, beyond the human scientific perceptions of paternal and maternal genetic contribution, biological or surrogate mothers, sperm donors, pregnancy duration and so forth and hopefully we meet at the end for a good stiff drink. Let the betting begin! (in my defense a TB fae baked a bunch of them babies in a span of a few days and had orgasms, that put even pornstars to shame, while giving birth and who's to say that Sookie wasn't simply too selfish of her V-card and didn't ask Gran to do the heavy lifting for her, j/j in case you took me seriously on that last one)**

**OMG, you guys, one of my all-time idols of ff writers punched a ticket for this crazy AU train, totally having a fan girl moment over her, that should just tell you what my crazy a** will do if I ever get my hands on Eric's delicious behind. Yum! LOL**

**Now let's get this train moving…. Hope you enjoy the ride, the scenery is spectacular I hear :)!**

**… **

Eric rubbernecked blankly at Dr. Ludwig, not a single twitch on his imperturbable expression or a slightest muscle tic on his Adonis sculpted body, one chiseled by the Gods themselves.

"Oh, _goodie_, here I was going out my mind thinking could it be that they are stuck in some mystical place, no one has ever heard of." was his instant response in an identical uber calm demeanor, albeit doing nothing to subdue the raising panic within him or his all-consuming desire to free Ludwig of her head already.

Their bizarre interaction would have an onlooker deduce that she all but casually conversant to him that the little family of three went for some refreshing ice cream, to be back in a second and it just happened to dawn on him that they forgot to put sunscreen before they left the house: no biggie, just dab a little Aloe Vera on those bad boys when they get back, all blistered to hell and all be swell with the world once again.

"No one said there isn't anything to worry about, assholio." Ludwig hissed exasperated, growling her professional diagnosis of his perpetual condition, right back in his face.

Even a blind-deaf person could not miss the dislike and hostility between the two, one could go as far as declare it an outright war for supremacy and their conduct to be one of fatalistic hatred. No fluffy kittens or glitter pooping unicorns over here, more like nuclear bombs and biochemical weapons of mass destruction, the major problem with that: it was all of a supernatural nature with the potential to get extremely ugly, exceedingly fast with no warning of a preemptive strike. Their arsenals were far more diabolic than any human military possessed, one that the JSOC Seal Team Six would have a field day with, a guarantee to _Get Some!_ The tension in the room and if judging by the condition of the holes in the plaster rotten walls, it already looked like Tsar Bomba "little bro" dropped by for a quick social visit, could be sliced with a dull butter knife, it was that dense. Yes, it was true, Ludwig did have a predisposed aversion to the children of the night, seeing how she fell from the distance blanches of the sunny Faery family tree, but she has always been able to keep her dealings with vampires in a professional manner and not just with them, but all species and consequently she was met with the utmost respect through the entire supernatural community for doing so. Something not easily achieved, seeing how vampires rose every nightfall with egos the size of the universe. Eric may not have liked the little healer, enough to extend a dinner invitation to her, but he too had always been able to keep their interactions borderline amiable on the surface.

Not even during their second acquaintance many centuries ago, in which Eric found himself minutes or maybe even seconds away from a painful true death, did they neither display so much odium nor hurl straight out insults and death threats towards one another and Eric was definitely feeling like lashing out at anything at the time. That was the only time Dr. Ludwig had ever expressed her true personal opinion of his grandiose self-image and only in a subtle proclamation of him being "an utter fool". The least of things Eric wanted to hear and still he held his tongue (for the most part, he did call her "an elevated midget wanna be" after all). She did have a somewhat valid point, seeing how he was stuck in the frozen caves of the Himalayas after spending close to nine months and two trips around the globe as a High Enforcer in pursuit of a deranged vampire almost twice his age, only to be lured into a trap and receive a rather nasty silver poisoning for all his efforts. It was his first assignment after all and Eric never made a single mistake thereafter. Had it not been for his Maker, or the only one he considered as such, sensing Eric's discomfort through their blood tie and learning the details of his mission from The Pythoness, of course she was informed that if Eric was to meet his true death, she better start running and never stop. Though the words were closer to her old bat ass better take fly high in the sky and pray she does not run into a tree branch. Something she was not thrilled over to hear, like vamp daddy like son, disrespectful and arrogant as they come. His Maker was ultimately successful in locating Eric, only to find him knocking at death's ice cold doors and call for the said Doctor's assistance, not an easy task, since cellphone did not even exist even in the shape of a carryout suitcases along with the supplementary one housing its battery. Eric was certain he would have perished otherwise no later than first sunlight. The harsh winter temperature muted his begrudged call for help and the cave's remote location made his rescue that much more complex and urgent. Even then Dr. Ludwig and Eric were able to communicate like somewhat civilized beings. Mostly due to Eric been able to metaphorically see the literal sunny bright light at the end of the tunnel of the impending demise of his target, what with his Maker declaring that he will be joining him on the hunt, no one messed with his beloved Childe and did not meet a silver stake after being tortured to utter lunacy for eternity.

However, tonight both their behaviors towards each other were anything but civil and Eric was not seeing anything close to a hope for the here and now, well not unless one discounted the rapture of decapitating the little raisin wrinkled hobgoblin and deep freezing her little assistant, in order to easy the task of hammering it into a shape of the dickhead it truthfully was, right before smashing the shit out of it sending it back to the hell hole it crawled out of.

Eric fancied himself an expert at any and all supernatural matters, thanks to his Maker never ceasing to pass his unprecedented knowledge onto him and if he was at utter loss to any point of reference apropos the locality Ludwig so casually mentioned in passing, it all spelled nothing short of unstoppable disaster for him. If he still had the use of his dead heart to beat, he was positive he would be going into a cardiac rest at this very moment or at the very least pitifully trying to catch his breath in the midst of an epic panic attack. His beast was roaring at him at a deafening decibel, scratching and tearing at the cage holding it back, seconds away from leaping into a berserker killing spree. Earth may not even exist as a word in any language after his beast was done raining terror, if it managed to break free of its restraints. The sensation of full-on fear of the unknown was so foreign to both, Eric and his untamable fiend, that it was the only reaction for gaining control they were familiar with. Yet, true to his vampire nature no outer discomfort was witnessed to his inner turmoil.

The breathtakingly stunning sunny rondure graciously, with the flawless beauty and mesmerizing stream of only a song performed by Orpheus himself, glided through the air to Eric and embraced him in its warm rays. It enveloped Eric in a soft blanket of internal peace, gifting him with the so long forgotten healing power of the sun. It obviously was aware of the vampire's desperate need of a proverbial chill pill. However it did nothing but further infuriate Eric, like he needed a boost in Vitamin D anyway. He did not want to be calmed, he wanted answers and above all he wanted an immediate solution to HIS family's condition.

"Where is this place, you speak of Ludwig and the explanation better be summed in the volume of multiple bulky tomes." Eric boomed this time, at both her and her uninvited annoying dickhead sidekick.

The sunny rondure pulsated brighter, though silent as ever it obviously had something to say, because Ludwig once again in less than microsecond found herself under the thrall of a second laughing spell in one single night. This time she was laughing so hard, tears were threatening to spill from her eyes and it all looked no less fucking creepy on her as before. Eric was far from amused with their evident exhibition of an unfortunate case of the _assholio ailment_. Fucking great, those two were the shitheads he was forced to work with, just _fucking_tastic!

Four seconds, a forest size shitload of paperwork and the Gods only know how much in the case of little bouncy Yo-yo shitface over here.

"I swear to all Gods, Ludwig you got less than a nanosecond, before I rip your head off and start practicing the full extent of my superior coordination skills as I claim the all-time championship in Badminton" the last part was directed straight at said shithead, in a form of a sunny rondure flowing, with what looked like without a care in the world, through the air, like it was the fucking lead in Disney On Ice. Maybe Eric was not the only one in need of a little pink liquid encouragement for knocking some sense into an acid ballstripping idiot.

It was also more than obvious that said shithead had to be clued in what Eric was aiming for, because Ludwig had to quickly explain the threat of his statement and as a result found herself, yet again with a case of the schoolgirl giggles. All was shits and giggles with those two, which was the case with all morons until someone giggles and shits. For Eric that was it, he advanced at the little hell troll, he would find the answers he desperately sought somewhere else. Ludwig wasted no time teleporting back to the bed, medical bag in hand, as she calmly addressed him.

"The Crease, the Fold, the Bend, as it has been referred under so many different names throughout the eons, is where THY resin." She stated with a subtle connotation towards the sunny rondure. Had Eric not been a vampire he would have missed it.

"Where is it located?" he asked impatiently, as he was already mentally packing his suitcase of needed weapons for all but an easy breezy vacay trip to go and retrieve HIS family back to where they rightfully belonged, by HIS side damn it.

"The fuck should I know, it's not like I have been invited for a tea party or two over there." Ludwig answered irritated at his naivety and utter stupidity.

"I swear …" Eric began, but she quickly cut him off.

"Northman, the place or maybe even places we are talking about, and again I have only, very limited knowledge in all this, is the space between realms, but more like between universes from my understanding." She rushed her words.

Eric showed absolutely no visible reaction to her words, he was the picture of perfect deathly stationary only a vampire could present in facing an apocalyptic disaster, but inside he was freaking THE FUCK out of what that could possibly imply for the condition of HIS family. Nothing remotely pleasant, he was convinced of at least that much. This may have been the first time he was truly lost for words or any form of resolution. It was like he went into idle downtime, a place a vampire retreats to in between times of endless boredom waiting for eternal undead life to pick up speed again.

Well, shit: The owls were incontestably not what they seem.

"Who are Thy?" he asked hoping and praying that there lay the solution to this clusterfuck.

Ludwig did not answer him and only turned to the, all but forgotten, sunny rondure and it looked to Eric as they were having a silent conversation among each other, fucking rude besties, until she turned and answered him in a very uneasy voice.

"Let's called them the Architects or better the Creators for all intense and purposes."

Eric was beyond infuriated at her never ending game of cryptography, to the point of no possible return by now.

"Are we talking Thomas Crapper here? The Creators of fucking what exactly, the fucking Tamagotchi, the…" Eric thundered vociferously and was in the course of jumping into yet another galling tirade, until once again Dr. Ludwig irritably cut him off.

"Northman, are you seriously going to act as if you are under the impression that we are even operating within the guideline of the Chatham House Rule here, because if you are, you are not even in the ballpark parking lot or the same freaking dimension for that matter"

Eric snarled, frustrated, short of putting his world famed expertise in torture to practice in order to get anything out of them, and even then, it was no guarantee those two would stop recreating Silence of the Lambs or more like the Dumb and Dumber sequel.

"Vampire, you have been given all the information that they are willing to give. So be thankful they are giving you any, and, if I was you I would be concerned with how to get these three back to consciousness" she warned.

That snapped Eric back to the real issue of the present problem. He has never felt this out of control before. Too much was riding on tonight's outcome for his always rational mind of the immaculate strategist to see any rhyme nor reason.

"How did they get there and why are they stuck?"

"They are stuck because they have no formal training or knowledge this time around of how to enter the Crease and as for how they arrived there, my guess is that subconsciously in state of a panic, she was able to somehow tap into the hidden powers of their complex heritage. Impressive that one." Ludwig actually beheld Sookie with plaudits, something very rarely, if ever, given to anyone by the little doctor.

"What do you mean by this time around?" Count on Eric Northman to hear the subliminal slip of the tongue.

"Northman, I am warning you to stop fishing around for information you are not fucking ready to hear." Fear was written all over her face and in her voice; clearly she revealed more than she was permitted to.

Well, boo fucking hoo, she may not be ready to spill the beans, but he was all ears. Eric was not feeling any sort of sympathy.

"What are they?" was his next question. He had shit to do, people to see as they say and no time for her enigmatic ass.

"Northman, do you really believe I would answer that even if I had a slightest comprehension of all that they encompass?"

"Fine and only for now, how do I get them back?"

Eric the Norseman never capitulated in a pursuit of a prey, he was an unrivalled planner and knew all too well how to weigh his options, when to surmise that exercising patience was the best call of action, even if it was enraging, the end outcome was what mattered and he always came out on top.

"Again, the fuck should I know, you saw her reaction to the only way I know of doing that." Ludwig's patience was wearing thin at his stupidity.

"There has got to be another way." This time Eric addressed the sunny rondure. He was wearing his expressionless vampire façade, his voice betrayed nothing, but all his emotional detachment was just a self-defense mechanism, he was however in his own vampire way pleading for his audience's aid.

"Look, as much as you vampires are oblivious to this, there is such a thing as a freedom of one's will, we cannot force her to come back or at very least release the little ones and even if we were, the damages to all of them will be irreversible." Ludwig answered him calmly instead.

"What do you mean; release the little ones? Why would she be holding them somewhere that is potentially dangerous to them?" That is not how one defended its younglings; nothing was making any sense to Eric, starting with the unwanted presence of sunny bright shithead, flowing in midair, to the right of him.

"It is probably because that is the only way she found to shelter them away from reality."

"And how exactly did she achieve that? Reverse the damn process and get them back! She obviously had no clue to what she was doing."

By the Gods, those two were not exhibiting any critical thought process.

"What the fuck do you think we were doing vampire?" Well, she had had it with him just as much.

"Yes, what precisely, were you two wackos trying to do?" Eric asked. The feeling was all mutual.

Ludwig took a very long and deep breath and exhaled slowly and steadily, as if she was practicing yoga with none-other than the great Buddhist Nikayas, before addressing him.

"Are you familiar of what the Essential Spark is to the fae?"

"Yes." Eric countered immediately, though really who knew with those secretive fuckers. The CIA black ops looked like a gossip Sunday brunch in comparison to them. All he knew was that the term was something connected, somehow with their magical essence.

"What you saw in the physical bright sunny orbs like forms were their essential sparks, which are the core of their magical verve, and, as I am sure you are aware by now, they are no ordinary _fae_. They possess a second more powerful, uhh and I am just spitballing here, but let's again call it a second Sentient spark, their conscious and/or subconscious awareness. The two sparks are inevitably intertwined within each other." The way she said fae made Eric to conduct that labeling them as such was a straight Supernatural CIA cover-up, if he ever saw one.

"Are you referring to their Waning Gibbous?" he asked. He will bite his time and uncover the full extent of who HIS family was, whether _shit_Thing One and _shit_Thing Two liked it or not.

"Yes, she however was somehow able to fully disconnect the two and as of this precise moment all three are the subtracted leftover Waxing Gibbous, as in the physical forms of their unconsciousness drifting aimlessly in the Total Eclipse of the Universes." Before he could badger her with more questions Ludwig rushed to finish her explanation. "And NO, I know even less of what the Total Eclipse is or what it represents."

Eric just stared at her with nothing but pure loathing. Fucking Useless those two! Jessica Simpson was the president of MENSA, in comparison to _moron_Thing One and _dipshit_Thing Two.

"Northman quit your bitching. I am privy to only the information I am allowed to have and I am given even that much only because I am their doctor."

"What the fuck now?" Eric shouted he was beyond frustrated or enraged; hopelessness was slowly creeping its way into his ability to speak or think rationally.

"We wait." She once more calmly stated.

"You can't be serious, what if they never wake up?" Eric roared at both her and the sunny rondure.

Fucking USELESS, both of them, True Blood had more substance than the two of them combined and that shit was worst that even were blood, he can attest to that. He learned the hard way having lost a bet to Pam and be forced to try the _miracle_ that allowed their vampiric reveal to humans. It all backfired at her and she bid farewell to her vantage Coco Channel suite, you cannot get spit, even fake, blood out no matter how much you wish it to be so. The Japanese science monkeys that invented that pathetic excuse for synthetic blood obviously never conducted a taste test study.

"They ought to wake in a …" she drifted off and turned to the rondure for assistance, seeing how she was out of her element in all this " very interesting, a week max is what I am been told it takes to make the journey back, by someone with no formal training."

Eric really, really wanted to fucking head-thump her HARD. This was HIS family, not some quasi-experiment of primal simians to see how long it will take them to figure out how to hotwire a car.

"A whole fucking week" Eric repeated dumbfounded. "Again, what happens if they are still comatose after a week?"

"We did all we could here…" she spoke calmly and this time was Eric turn to interrupt.

"The fuck you DID! This is more than UNACCEPTABLE!" Eric growled with all of his might, halfway through her ominous assertion.

The rondure started instantly pulsating brighter and Ludwig rushed to interpret and maybe, just maybe calm the infuriating vampire.

"If they do not wake within a week's time, although there isn't a reason for that to not be the case, since blonde here doesn't possess that much stored energy, THY will take them all physically to the Crease and coach them through to come back to consciousness."

"The FUCK YOU WILL! No one is taking them anywhere or doing anything to them, without my approval and me being there! They are MINE!" his edict left no room for misunderstanding, just challenging them to anything remotely close to disagreeing with him and heads would most absofuckinglutly roll tonight.

The sunny breathtaking rondure was behind Eric in less than a blink of an eye, giving him a good harsh smack to the back of his head followed by an electric jolt of what must of feel to be plugged directly to the Three Gorges turbines, before it disappeared into thin air, just as quickly as it first decided to drop by for an unwelcome visit. It was done cavorting with the self-centered vampire and at this point there was nothing left to do, but wait for Sookie to come to her own senses and return on her own. It obviously did not know Eric, because the rage over the mother of all Atrial Fibrillations and fuzzy hair he received would have been nothing in comparison to, had it decided to gift Eric with a permanent 80's perm.

"That fucker better never so much as think to show his ugly round ass in front of me ever again" Eric bellowed beyond livid, as he pulled his hair back with a tight leather strap behind his neck.

Ludwig stayed quieter than a hooker at a Sunday school and decided it was not worth pointing out the numerous flaws in that statement. She unfortunately still had work to do and could not leave her patients before she too went in search of her own happy place in preferably no less than several galaxies away from the unappreciative vampire.

"While you're waiting on them to wake, you need to give them a single drop daily of the green vial, that will keep them hydrated and nourished and you need to dress their injuries with these herbs as I am about to show how." She started demonstrating by pulling some soiled smelling thick substance out of one of the numerous pouches she was holding, making Eric scrunch his nose in pure abhorrence.

"Why can I give them my blood?" the last thing he wanted was a visual reminder of tonight's events on their gorgeous skin in form of ugly scars. His healing blood was a guarantee to avoid that from happening.

"Because it isn't safe for them to ingest any." Ludwig was back in her tranquil professional demeanor.

"In their current state? Or does that apply to them in general?" Eric quickly asked. His blood was the fastest and indubitable permanent method of securing them to him and he was not going to settle for anything less. They were HIS.

"Can't wait to drown them in your blood, can you vampire?"

Eric just hissed impatiently at Ludwig.

"You can tear open a vein as soon as all three wake, if that is what you desire. Though my advice is to ask for their permission before you force it down their throats. Something I strongly suggest you consider to save yourself from future proverbial headaches. No one is taking them away from you Northman, if they wanted them they would have taken them already and there is jack shit you can do to stop them."

All Eric heard was that they would not reject his very powerful ancient blood; all he needed was two or maybe three drops of it into them to start the process of an unbreakable blood bond. As for anyone taking them from him, he did not pity the fools, who would be stupid enough to try. He would kill all, before that silly thought was fully formed.

"Will there be any scarring left on their skin?" Eric asked deciding to ignore her last assumption.

"Not if you follow my directions." Ludwig answered and proceeded to show him how to clean a nasty looking wound on Addy's right arm before spreading a thin layer of the herb substance over the infant's delicate skin.

"Is it safe for me to bathe them in a bath or under a shower spray before I do this every night?"

"I would recommend it in contrast to giving them a sponge bath and both methods are acceptable, just make sure to be mindful of the water spray obstructing their air supply, especially when it comes to the little ones, also the herbs though they may seem like a thick hard layer are easy to remove, so you don't need to scrub their skin hard, it would easily wash away with just soaking for a couple of seconds."

Eric watched like a hawk all the Doctors movements, he was the picture of a prime pupil covenanting all instructions to his eidetic memory. He watched intently how much pressure she used, the amount of herb she spread to cover the wound and how much of it went to conceal the surrounding healthy tissue or the fact that she used a bottom to top approach along the length of the wound. It may have just been Ludwig's personal preference, but Eric was cataloging it as if it was the spoken words of the Gods. He would not take any chance when it came to the wellbeing of the three of them, even if it was something simple as wiping Addy running nose. Eric had a ghost of a smile in anticipation of when they wake and made a mental note to consult with Google for how does one, really clean snots on a baby. Seeing how their mother was a stubborn mule, a behavior she would pay dearly for, after the hell she put him through tonight's events and with his luck when it come to them, he was convinced Addy would be first to wake up and undoubtedly cry like a banshee for her mommy. He was facing a grand paradox, he did not want to allow access to them by anyone other than himself, but he also recognized that he lacked the knowledge how to rear a small child and in need of a succor. Truth was he was selfish, they may as well paste his picture next to it in the dictionary and he wanted them exclusively for himself and himself only.

Eric did a quick mental recall if there was a person he trusted so implicitly as to share the burden of their care with, but the truth was that he simply did not trust anyone for anything. The only beings he felt trust and respect towards were those of his bloodline, which was composed of a very small number to start with and though no longer needed but none the less appreciated, they unremittingly attested themselves to him and each other really, in order to rely on and replicate the unwavering mutual loyalty. In the supernatural world said line was notorious for standing behind an unbreakable united front and the reason for that was simple, the motto they all existed by was blood above any and all, no exceptions for any cause. Pam dubbed them the original ride or die crew and any new wanna be punks had nothing on them, though Eric preferred to stand behind the ancient _united or die divided_ elucidation. Anyone having problem with any one of them for any reason, had a problem with them all, which was a certain death sentence to any enemy of theirs. No one has heard of betrayal or even an argument amongst them, all due to their unconventional treatment of virtual egalitarianism, rarely did they impose the harsh Maker's hierarchy without just cause and it would seem only as a last resort. If anyone was responsible for Pam spoiled bratty ass was his unconventional vampire kin attitude or that is what he liked to believe. Eric's entrance to the vampire word was unpleasant to say the least hence his trust issues, though sadly a very command one in his word, however his persistence in it was a very complex and unprecedented, one would even label it as unheard off and all due to this _true_ bloodline of his. Therefore trust, respect, loyalty were things never to be giving at face value and always returned in the matter they were delivered. He has seen, experienced and done too many things early on in his undead life to ever let his guard down. It may have taking him centuries but he eventually got there and he could honestly say he trusted those few blood _kinfolks_ with his undead life now and for eternity.

However when faced with care for HIS newfound family the few people he did trust implicitly were faced with the same crippling case of incapacitated death during daytime hours rendering them just as inept. Then there was the issue that nothing in the supernatural world stayed truly hidden forever and if any sworn enemy of theirs were to find of HIS extended family's existence, they would indubitably perceive his affinity to them as his only weakness, turning them into the prey for all hunting targets. Plus, any newcomers that had something to prove and simply did not know better, would most definitely try to cash in a ticket to quick fame by attacking HIS family. The most strategic course of action for him was to start looking into worthy supernatural beings that could protect the three during the day. He had some creatures in mind, however his Maker was the best individual to elicit this information from, but Eric was not sure of how to break this new development to him and most of all he was not certain of what the new emotions he was experiencing represented. He was certain that he wanted them and that they were HIS now, just not entirely assured what was driving this, dare he say, all consuming need for them.

The next words Ludwig voiced stopped his planning mid thought.

"Keep any supernaturals away from them until they wake with the exception of your bloodline."

"And why should I do such a thing Dr. Ludwig?" not that he was planning of having an introduction ceremony in their honor, but he was determent of exposing all the mysteries surrounding them.

Did he seriously just question her diagnosis? What medical school did his arrogant ass fall out of?

"Because I said so and because the current chemistry of their blood will call to all others like shit to an Army blanket." Ludwig answered beyond exasperated at this point; dealing with this particular vampire made one desire to perform a Seppuku just to get it over with already.

She was earnestly contemplating of just shoving a pint of Sookie's blood back into him and leave him to his own devices. At the very least he was amusing whist trainspotting to lunacy.

Eric just gave her his best smile, if nothing it was entertaining to see the little dwarf rattled, payback is a nasty biatch, ain't she? Sometime modern euphemism just said it all and he may or may not have indulged in some of his clandestine David Chappelle obsession earlier in his office.

"Any suggestion as to how I should proceed in the event that one or both children wake during the day hours and way ahead of schedule of their mother, Dr. Ludwig?" Eric asked in his most respectful tone and still wearing his best smile, covering nothing of his sarcasm and growing enjoyment of pissing the hell out of her.

Yes, fall on a nice big tree branch and deliver us from headache, asshole! Is what she really wanted to say, however she was a professional after all, so she bit her tongue back hard, extremely hard actually.

"Yes, with this, take a drop of it before dawn until their mother is ready to take care of them" she handed him the vial of the sky blue substance, that seemed to magically diminish to exactly one single drop the instant he was holding it.

Eric did not even ask the million questions that were swirling inside his vast brain and just crooked an eyebrow at her. The thought of holding, in the palm of his hand, the cure for defeating death during day hours or by the power of Odin, seeing the sun after a thousand years, was exhilarating to say the least. Eric was very old, though not considered ancient by vampire standards, but an elder one nonetheless, which allowed him to be conscious and full functioning for a couple hours longer after dawn and before sunset, but he still eventually succumbed to the power of the sun just as any other vampire. There was not an exact formula to age equating prolonged daylight cognizance, nevertheless it seemed the older one got the longer they could stay awake. His Maker was an ancient and able to withstand the call of the sun even longer, even a full day or days if needed. However he could not stand firmly behind said theory, because there were rumors of vampires much older than Eric and unable to stay awake even half the time he did. Vampires held all their secrets close to their chests, especially one such as this and that rule applied to all supernatural beings, to know ones strength is to know ones weaknesses. Then there were the rumors of day walkers among them, which may or may not be a vampire gift of his bloodline, for which Eric would never attest or deny, even with a threat of final death. Age, physical strength and special vampire gifts such as mass glamouring, flying, precognition or acute detection of hybrid supernatural species all seem to have an influence on the amount of time a vampire resisted the call of the sun. However, Ludwig continued giving him instructions as if she did not give a rat's ass for vampire day hours shortcomings, because she really could not care less for this and especially for this particular vampire.

"It would replenish its self to the right dose every morning, thus diminishing the chance of you overindulging and once she is awake the vial will perish. It would not allow you to walk in the sun, though I would not stop you if you are to try it" she smirked and mentally crossed her fingers in prayer. She was tight with most of the Gods after all and small miracles do tend to happen on rare occasions.

Eric once again refrained from giving her the head-thump and eliminating a few inches of her already pathetic stature as he listened and only hissed in retribution.

"It would not prevent you from day slumber whist they are still in the Total Eclipse, but it would work as a mild form of a blood bond. In a way that you would be able to feel when they wake and in return keep you awake to care for them. You wouldn't be privy to what they are feeling."

"How do I care for them?" and there it was, Eric Northman swallowing his pride.

It was Ludwig turn to smile and boy did she. It was all kinds of spine-chilling.

"Never cared for a child, have you vampire?" her voice was joyous, maybe she should stick around for the moment they wake, the video footage was a guarantee to be an instant classic: vampire parenting for utter idiots, everything you should NOT do. "The most important thing is to feed them …"

"What?" Eric asked interrupting her mid-sentence.

"Food, what do you think?" Ludwig answered just as quickly.

This night was just dragging ass with the way those two kept going at each other.

"No shit, doctor!" Eric growled back at her.

"Very good vampire, too much bacteria and least nutritious value." She praised him in earnest, with sarcasm being the main course on the prescribed menu." Milk for the little girl, goat milk is the closest to texture and consistency of a human mother's milk. Warm, no more than 99°F and use glass bottles, none of that plastic shit humans are so fond of, make sure to burp her afterwards. Disinfect the bottles in hot boiling water the first time and every time after feeding, also use cloth diapers, it helps with toilet training, which she should start if she hasn't already. Simply put her on a potty as soon as she wakes. She may have started solid foods, but it's safe to minimize introducing new things to her until her mother is awake, your presence would be enough of a shocker I am sure. I'll give you literature on all this; you should familiarize yourself with it as quickly as possible. The boy is old enough to eat any food and from my scan earlier tonight I didn't detect any allergies for any of the three. He is old enough to voice his food preferences, but stick to the recommended four food groups: 1st. Meat, fish, poultry, eggs; 2nd. Milk, cheese, and other dairy products; 3rd. Fruits and vegetables; 4th. Potatoes, rice, flour products. Minimum sugar and find an organic supplier, avoid processed foods. Here." She dug into her Gladstone bag and handed him what looked like a 100 page pamphlet. "This should answer any question you may have."

"What is the chance of their mother snapping out of it first?" was Eric hopeful question after all that.

The mere thought of toilet training was just straight up craptasticly shitabulaous. Eric was starting to rethink this whole, having your cake and eat it, situation. Maybe he can glamour their mother into forgetting their existence until they grow to a reasonable age, oh the purlieu of say: minimum no piss and shit in one's own underwear age, anywhere away from the state of Louisiana. Worst or best case scenario, depending on whose point of view, Pam may be in more shit that she anticipated. Though leaving Pam to tutor the children for any given period of time was how serial killers were born, albeit with an immaculate fashion sense, of course. They stood a better chance being raised by Chucky, the friendly porcelain doll.

"As of this moment slim to none" Ludwig answered in even more jubilant voice. "Call me as soon as either of them wake so I can check on them."

"You speak as if you are certain that they would wake in a weeks' time."

"There isn't a reason for it not to be true. The last thing, you need to do is keep this" she handed him the yellow crystal stone from earlier "where they lay, it will protect them and when the time comes you will need to turn it into necklaces for them."

"Protect them from what?"

"Those who seek to destroy them, duh."

"What aren't you telling me Ludwig? Who is after them?" Eric was done playing name the kryptonite.

"Northman I honestly don't know, all I know is that now that you have claimed them, they are no longer hidden to the supernatural world."

"It's been a while since I took part in a good fight." Eric was all kinds of giddy.

"Don't be cocky vampire, listen to those who will aid you. You may be old and experienced, however you are but an infant to some." It was more than obvious she was included in said group.

"And what is your role in all of this Ludwig?"

"Dr. Ludwig to you, Northman, and I am here for their medical needs, should any come to rise. Take good care of them vampire or the consequences would be of an Armageddon proportion to us all. I will send your bill by the end of next week, check your Pay_me_Pal." With that she vanished in thin air just as swiftly as she first appeared.

Good riddance to nuisance omen was all Eric could say on that exit. Fucking show off teleporters. Would it fucking kill them to pretend to know what a door is for? That did not stop him from slamming it after her though, Eric always took full advantage of any pleasure his undead life presented him with.

He took his time examining the yellow crystal stone. It was extraordinarily stunning, otherworldly no question. It was warm to the touch, weighed heavier that one would infer and reflected beams of pure sunlight in any and all directions from sources that were physically nonexistent, as if it had an auric essence to it. That shithead sunny rondure, better not be fucking chillaxing inside of it.

Pam was at his side that instant, she took off like a lightning bolt the second the bright sphere encasing the house dispersed with the Doctor's departure.

"Master what was all of this zombie shitstorm?" By the emotional turmoil flooding their blood tie she was obviously shaken, although externally she displayed her usual bored bratty demeanor. This was as close to full on panic Pam had ever gotten. She was as loyal as they come and being prevented in assisting her Maker until now, her family, her rock did not sit well with her whatsoever.

Eric placidly palmed his Childe's face and kissed her forehead for which Pam jeered infuriated.

"Zombies don't exist, Pam how many times do I have to tell you this?"

"So you keep saying and I'm still not convinced, you haven't presented any single concrete evidence in the contrary and especially not after tonight." She pointed to their captives. As in: Hello, fae zombies over there!

Eric just shook his head at her silliness; it kept getting irritably worst with every new Walking Dead episode. A month ago she actually went so far as to voice her desire to start petitioning for a Freedom of Information Act to the Supernatural Council in order to get to the bottom of it. That was when he had to put his foot down and nipped that genius idea right out, by issuing a Maker command forbidding her of making an ass out of herself and him by association, which did nothing but further quell her zombie conspiracy obsession.

"Seriously Eric, what the fuck is going on?"

"Not sure Pam, but rest assured I will get to the bottom of it. Do you have the full report on them?" he was staring intently at HIS family, as if all the mysteries surrounding them will magically unveil themselves or at the very least they will wake the fuckup already.

"Emailed it to you nine minutes ago, had Spider dig everything that was Stackhouse. There is something exceedingly weird about them Eric."

"Your point, _my Childe_?" Tonight was not the night if Pam thought she can get away with her usual catty behavior.

"Her name is SOOKIE, what does that tell you? If that doesn't scream batshit insane, then maybe her nickname of Crazy Sookie, she is known as around her little bumfuck redneck town, certainly should. Just the location should be enough of a warning." Pam waved her hands, frustrated, in the air.

"Pamela this is your last warning." Eric was right in her face, his voice calm as a Hindu cow, blood boiling as a March hare.

"I am worried Master, what happens when their faerie kin finds out about this? You know they are not going to take very kindly to that idea. This has Supe war written all over it." she whispered staring at the floor.

"Pam, look at me." When she finally did, Eric flooded their bond with pride and adoration. "You will always be my first Childe, Pam. They are not replacing you." Eric was once again cupping her delicate face in his enormous hands, gently brushing his large thumbs over her rouged cheeks.

"But not the only one." She murmured. Pam never felt insecure, not ever, and this new sensation was as foreign to her as it could get, making her all kinds of uncomfortable.

"You knew that the day would come, when I will expand our bloodline Pam."

"With a worthy human to be turn into a vampire Childe, Eric. Not a faerie mother with two nom noms!"

"I have made my decision Pam. I am not going to force it onto you, but if you have a problem with it and want to leave I am not going to stop you. You will always have my protection, support and loyalty, my Childe rest assured."

"Master….?" She whisper breathed and could not bring herself to voice the fear that was starting to consume her. Jealousy was rapidly creeping into her, how could he choose some strangers over her, over his own blood? They have been together for more than two centuries and he has never shown any signs nor said anything indicating that he may be getting tired of her company.

"I am exceedingly selfish Pam. I will always want you by my side. However, every Vampire Childe leaves its Maker at some point and I stand by my words the night you first rose as Mine: When the time comes and you are ready to do so, I will let you go willingly and never hold the reasoning behind your choice against you. You will always have my support" when she looked like she was going to respond Eric quickly silenced her with his right thumb over her mouth" and I am also very old Pam. I know what I want and if I find it, I take it. They are not going anywhere Pam. "

"So this isn't you replacing me?"

"No, my Childe. This is me doing what I also do." Eric smiled with his signature smirk of superiority.

"There is more to this Eric, what aren't you telling me? I can feel you and it's more than a simple case of wanting something."

"I can't describe it Pam, but the moment I laid eyes on them I felt them as MINE. They were always MINE, are to be always MINE and only MINE."

"Is this the Call for a Childe you've told me about?"

"Not exactly, it's different. When I saw you I felt this unstoppable and all-consuming pull, the Call, towards you and I knew you were to be Mine, to be My Childe. It was like the sun pulling you in day rest, you intuitively know its origins and what course of action you are to take. With them…." Eric drifted off as he raptly stared at them lost in thought.

"So if you don't want them for Children, for what then?"

"I did not say I don't want them for Children, I said that the impulse to claim them MY OWN was instantaneous and that is what I did. If turning them is how I am to keep them, then that is what I am going to do, because I am NEVER letting them go, EVER. "

"So this is a _Call_, you wanting to play house with them? Are you serious?"

"Deadly!" He erupted in a wholehearted laughter. Eric was a truck full of all kinds of things, domestic being none of which.

Both of them stood silent for a long time and Eric purposely closed the bond between them. Though he would not stop Pam for leaving if she so decided, he was not ready to hear it. No words or looks were exchanged among them. Both of them turned to the three incapacitated bodies and their own thoughts. Eric was recounting every detail, every word that was spoken tonight like a severance video, rewinding, pressing pause and taking notes for every move, every action, and every slight change in tone of voice. Million unanswered questions and their possible feature scenario repercussions were invading his mind at a striking speed. After a long time when Pam asked him once again what happened in her absence, he went in great detail to divulge all he had learned from the events that took place. She would interrupt and either ask him to elaborate on some of them or voice her concern over possible consequences, but she stood quiet for the most part, just observing it all. Both of them had no point of reference to whom or what the little family of three could be. Taciturnity once more invaded the space between them.

"I'm not babysitting for you and there isn't a snowball chance in hell I am changing a diaper." She finally said in a bored voice, which showed as much desire and interest as she held in shopping in the local Walmart outlet. Over her true and final death, or more like in her true nightmare, in Pam's case.

"We'll see. I can already hear them calling for their all-time favorite Big Sis Pammy." Eric just laughed at her.

"The Fuck they will!" Pam hissed, reconsidering her decision to stick around. Who was she kidding; she will never leave her Master no matter how nutty he obviously was getting with old age. She gave him a look that expressed her conviction that he no doubt was going senile.

Eric just laughed even harder at her, truly enjoying the irritation she was feeling. As amusing as pissing her off was he needed to tend to HIS family injuries and a meeting with even more angry vampires to get to later tonight. He could feel her mixed emotions over what this represented for them as he started walking towards the ensuite bathroom to start filling the bathtub with warm water. She was worried, infuriated, cautious, intrigued and a slew more of feelings raging from pure repugnance to elevating penchant, for the blood running in their veins no doubt. As he was turning the tap and about to adjust the water temperature, he felt Pam's emotional spike of suspicion going through the roof and her determination to act. He vamped back to the room immediately, if she did anything to harm the three of them in any way he will send her to her final death that second. What he did find was not at all what he expected, something far worst and even more terrifying. A blue orb was holding her immobile against the wall and rapidly scorching her exposed flesh, making her scream in agony. Eric acted on instinct; he attached not caring for the consequences or the fact that he had no knowledge of who the foe was or how to defeat it.

...

**So, what do you think or should I ask if you guys are still out there, do you want more? My goal is to update within no later than two weeks' time, however real life got a little hectic this month and I apologized if some of you are irked by the long wait. Do you guys prefer longer or more frequent short chapters? I know I get uber irritated if I get to read something worth five or fewer minutes, leaving me wanting for more.**

**Please leave a comment so I know I am not just blabbering here all by my lonely wholesome and Thank you in advance for it. **

**Ps. Jfozz, I humbly thank you.**


	5. Who are you?

**WARNING: This week's AU train ride to the bayou of the Universe contains some VIOLENT turbulence.**

**As always, thank you Jules for all your help :)!**

**…**

Eric Northman was the rip your heart out and slurp on it like a juice box, ask questions _never_, type of individual and it could not be blamed solely to his vampiric nature. It was a hereditary attitude he had exhibited since birth such as being able to relentlessly follow orgasm after orgasm while never losing sight of the prey. He did not give a flying fuck what anyone had to say for themselves, it would not make a spit of difference in getting them off his shit list. Fatally crossing out their names in blood red was just like placating a nuisance itch to him. No one was allowed to lay a finger on anything that was HIS in any capacity, shape or form and sure as fuck not on HIS Childe.

The fear that Pam has done something to harm HIS family in bratty jealousy and the all-consuming need to make her pay for it were forgotten the moment he felt her pain, well before he even exited the bathroom and saw the reason behind her terrifying agony. A bright blue orb the size of a tennis ball, conversely of a saturated mesmeric hue of a cloudless Caribbean sky had her pinned immobile against the wall. Any flesh that was not covered by her light pink thousand dollar worth Stella McCartney outfit was sautéing like a _deliciously mouthwatering_ thanksgiving turkey, stuffing the room with a ghastly stench of over baked epidermis and earsplitting screams. In true Pam style, though she was by no means thrilled over the treatment dedicated to recalibrating her body esthetics, she was beyond livid the second her precious attire began to scorch, cursing all for changing out of her prior atrocious gothic getup. Eric was only a mere hairsbreadth away from squeezing the curve out of the uninvited guest, when the next sequence of events stalled his action to a deathly idle, one only a vampire was proficient of and an additional near berserker madness engulfed him.

Two identical, but smaller versions of the blue orb, the size of golf balls nonetheless just as breathtakingly exquisite, split from within it, whist it was hovering in front his violently thrashing, and cursing up a storm, Childe. One darted at a lighting speed towards her balled right hand, pugnaciously prying it open and then to the yellow crystal, which he had previously discarded on the foot of the bed, disappearing inside of it. The second flew over the three comatose bodies currently sprawled on the bed and took a defensive stand as guard above them, pulsating rapidly and readily against counterattacks from any possible trajectory. Eric possessed uncommonly fast speed of movement, sight and acute sense of smell as well as unprecedented strength for a vampire, but even if he were to be any ordinary vampire he could not have missed seeing the three strings of hair that Pam was formerly holding or the aroma of their origins. His gargantuan hand instinctively moved from reaching for the blue orb to wrapping around Pam's throat like a vice for the numerous time this evening.

"Explain yourself!" He growled and had she not been blood of HIS own blood, she would have been finally dead a thousand times over tonight.

Even for Eric, tonight was turning to be too much, his patience was virtually nonexistent at present.

The supernatural world held a very strict protocol on the severity of retribution, compensation in the form of punishment or the exclusive rights over who can enforce it. Seeing how one's Maker held the title to ALL that was of their vampire Children the grand pleasure of dishing out His Childe's punishment felt solely on Her Maker, Eric, so the larger blue orb ceased any further detention and meat rotisserie, as it joined its little sibling above its charges and releasing it of its duty, allowing it too to return inside the yellow crystal. Once in position the larger blue orb started pulsating as well, prepared to ward against anything that would wish to cause any harm to the three peacefully and oblivious to all that was happening around them telepaths.

"I was going to have their DNA examined." Pam answered truthfully, resigned to her fate, whatever it may be.

Eric hissed in full blown fury, extending his impressive fangs even further in frustration, whilst running his clenched fist through the wall, only a millimeter away from her stubborn head, all the way into the adjacent bedroom, which was also in a deplorable condition similar to the one they were currently occupying.

Eric lost it. He had fucking had it with her childish obsession.

"Dammit Pam, they are not fucking ZOMBIES!" he bellowed deafeningly in vexation, forcing any lingering plaster to fall off as the whole mansion shook.

"How can you be sure? Even you acknowledged it; their Supe smell is like nothing you have ever encountered. They show no vital signs. I am willing to bet my new Vuitton babies that in 24 hours their…" she bared her own fangs right back at him.

"THAT was your last warning, Childe!" He cut her off, most days he lived for teasing her on the subject of her unhealthy zombie obsession, but right now the only question was should her ludicrousness be ended in a quick or a laboriously painful true death.

There was a lot more to their enthralling Supe fragrance that either of them wanted or dared to acknowledge to themselves, for copious different reasons. Hiding behind her _ZOMG_ theory was just Pam's way of denying the inevitable truth, an implausible and incomprehensible one for a vampire way of thinking.

"Fine, but when their flesh starts to stink of rot and …." She just could not help herself it seemed.

Eric completely and utterly lost it, going all section 8 sicko on her ass.

"ENOUGH!" He growled viciously and with his right hand around her neck Eric simply, with a twitch in his wrist, spun her body forcefully to face the wall ramming her head clear through it, while using his other hand to shred the back of Pam's precious ensemble, ripping it completely leaving her body fully exposed.

The blue orb elected that its services were no longer required, so it too swiftly retreated inside the yellow crystal, leaving the vampires to do whatever is that vampires do to resolve family feuds. It clearly had no intention to call in the troops again to play _fang_bitrator or call 911 for the matter; this non compos mentis shit was most certainly not inscribed anywhere in its contract.

Eric sadistically entangled his fingers in Pam's flaxen goldilocks yanking her head excruciatingly backwards, with such force that Pam violently arched her back as she presented her bare ass for whatever he was going to subject her to. He wrenched her head sideways and savagely sank his massive fangs into her throat making her scream in terror, her high pitched voice composed the most superb symphony to his ears. A massive spurt of her blood gushed far and wide, as it concurrently filled his mouth and with a lighting speed and a force of a thunder strike Eric brought his gigantic hand down on her naked right bottom cheek, willing her flesh to turn burning red and raw in pain.

"You are to respect my wishes Childe!" he growled infuriatedly. Spitting blood as the excess ran down his chin.

Strike.

EXCRUCIATING PAIN.

"One. Yes, Master. Thank you, Master." Pam knew the drill better than anyone, having received it and seen it done to others so many times that it all came like a profoundly espoused muscle memory to her psyche.

"You are to NEVER befall harm onto them directly nor indirectly in ANY physical nor emotional capacity!" he growled furiously again.

Strike.

FERVIDLY TORCHING PAIN.

"Two. Yes, Master. Thank you, Master." This time she felt the sting or more like a branding of her left side.

"You are to treat them as MINE!" he hissed wrathfully.

Strike.

FURY BLAZING PAIN.

"Three. Yes, Master! Thank you, Master." She also knew better than to show any sign of discomfort or plea for clemency.

"You are to protect them at ALL COST as MINE!" he bellowed, impelling the windows to rattle in protest as he also rapidly smashed her head numerous times in brutal quick succession through the wall with a force so great it almost propelled her whole body into the adjoining room.

STRIKE.

EXCRUCIATING PIERCING PAIN.

He was moving at a whirlwind speed and that time she did not feel the ruthless sting of his enormous hand, he must have picked a piece of broken furniture lying nearby, because she felt the unbearable pain of every single one of the thousand or so wood splinters lodging in her mangled raw flesh and coccyx bone, as he tore the flesh off her right ass cheek. Heavyweight spurt after spurt of blood was gushing in every direction, Pam could actually hear the sound of her own wrenched flesh thumping onto the floor right before it disintegrated into ashes. She did not dare to cry out or try to escape; if she did, it would only infuriate Eric to the point of no possible return.

"Four. YES, MASTER! Thank you, Master." came Pam's muffled voice as she did her best to try and not bite down at the drywall to suppress the cry threatening to escape her.

"They were always MINE, are to be ALWAYS MINE and will always be ONLY MINE! Do you understand Childe?" Eric roared with all his strength, yanking her head back from the massive hole in the wall.

STRIKE.

VIVID VEHEMENT PAIN.

"Five. YES, MASTER! THANK YOU, MASTER." Pam answered loudly in full obedience as the blood gushing flesh of her left ass cheek was too brutally ripped from her.

ALL-CONSUMING RABID PAIN.

Not a single tear, not a single cry for mercy, not a single attempt to either fight or flee for her undead life. Pam knew her existence would have been forfeited right then and there, on that very spot. It had been centuries since he subjected her to this type of bloody physical punishment, however the rules since time stood still. Pam counted her blessings at the lack of his beloved silver toys or the fact the he was far too infuriated with her in order to bear enough patience to drag her to one of his torture dungeons for the full wrath of his ire.

Spinning her around and forcing her to face him, he maliciously ordered.

"Dispose of your FULL closet to Warehouse 1 for the next month and stock up on True Blood for a _healthy_ diet for the duration." He hissed, still infuriated.

Hopefully the 10,000 sf. double height structure would fit it all. Sigh. She did have nine houses in the Shreveport area alone, all paid for by Eric of course. Five of which were converted to function as nothing more than a giant storeroom and the other four had any and all niches stuffed to the brim with her fashionista regalia. Sure, vampires had no practical need for kitchen cabinetry, double oven stoves or guest bathrooms, but Pamela Ravenscroft sure found use for them. Heavy duty sigh.

"Master?" Pam was really and truly scared shitless now for the faith of her beloved children, but did not dare to ask out loud of what that may be.

"Enjoy Walmart, Childe and only a quarter of a grand in allowance. Figure it out you have the gift of numbers." Eric smirked in triumph with a crooked, sinister smirk.

"Master, I beg of your mercy…." Her voice was as shaken as it could get.

"Keep pushing me, Childe and you will be raiding the Goodwill's fashion collections for the next century." His smirk turned even more malicious.

A single large red tear slipped down Pam's right cheek as she froze motionless.

Eric untangled his massive hand from her matted hair to palm her face as his left hand cupped the back of her head pulling her up and forward towards him, he leaned down and licked her bloody teardrop in satisfaction.

"Good girl."

"Thank you, Master." She whispered back to him.

"Be very careful Pamela, you still have not received your punishment from earlier; you do not want to bait me into doing something you may truly regret. Am I understood Childe?" Eric demanded.

"Yes, Master." Her shaky grating voice held back as much as of her fear as she could muster, but not nearly enough.

For the sake of her beloved babies: all the shoes, purses, jewelry and artfully stitched irreplaceable fabrics she held holy in this world, she caught with both of her hands what he was laying down more than just loud and clear. A hundred and ninety seven years ago she learned the full meaning of obedience after Eric set all her darling children in a blazing bonfire for not following orders to his satisfaction. She still mourned annually for their loss and held a vigil in their honor, every September 3rd at 2:37am. Candles, black mourning dress, head lace veil and all.

"Excellent" Eric took an unneeded breath. "You need to learn to embrace this Pam."

"Yes, Master." Pam took an unneeded breath as she answered him with all candor. "I will."

"I am not asking you to become their best friend, Pam. I am asking you to show me the respect I am rightfully due."

"Yes, Master."

"Drink, my Childe." Eric said in a tranquil voice after he sank his fangs into his own wrist in offering to her.

No matter what, he loved her and loathed feeling her pain, even if it were to be gone in less than five minutes. He could also feel through their bond that she fully understood the error of her way and had no intentions of further provoking him on the subject ever again. The five edicts he issued her with were eternally imprinted into her psyche. The point of this _exercise_ was not to simply cause her excruciating physical pain, it was to edify her behavior and it was apparent that he succeeded in doing so, no need to drag it out further.

Pam latched on immediately showing no hesitation, she could instantly feel the accelerated tingling sensation within her body as the healing properties of her Maker's powerful ancient blood tripled the speed of her recovery, giving a rejuvenating boost to their blood tie and intensifying their connection. Internally however, she was torn between withstanding the agony in sight to prove to her Master that she abundantly comprehended his words and worrying that, if she were to do so, it would show disrespect for the precious gift of his blood he professed her worthy of. Feeling her emotional quandary Eric gently smoothed her hair behind her ear, sending her reassurance through their bond.

Pam slowly closed her eyes as more of their combined essences intertwined within her. She sent bucket loads of sincere gratitude for Eric's high esteem for her through their bond, only a truly caring Maker would demand for nothing but the absolute best comportment of its Childe, because only such Makers believed in their Children's true worth and not just their absolute ownership over them.

"Pam, you do not have to abide their company if you do not wish."

You could always tell with Eric if he was dead serious, incensed or upset in anyway, he dropped his contractions, modern euphemism and his accent would become pronounced.

"Are you kidding me? There is no chance in hell I'm missing out on you playing lead in "Who's your daddy?" You need me now more than ever and we both know that you turned me, because there are way too many things you will gladly have me take care of instead of doing it yourself." Pam smiled excitedly with blood dripping down her chin, plainly laying the groundwork for her next proposal.

Eric slowly closed his eyes for an entirely different reason than being enveloped in wholehearted gratefulness. The primary motive behind her turning sure as fuck was never about Pam taking up as his personal fashionista drill sergeant, but try telling her that. Sigh. Ignoring whatever her internal teenage hormonal brain was conjuring, Eric wordlessly turned away to enter the bathroom once more, as he hollered back at her over his shoulder and efficiently putting a stop to whatever it was she was plotting this time around.

"No!"

"But Eric you said ..."

"I said NO. "

"Not celebrating their arrival is a bad omen Eric." Pam tried to reason.

"Look around, you should have spoken of this sooner." Eric smirked at her vamping back into the room.

"Don't say I didn't warn you."

"Noted. How long before the meeting?"

"One hour and forty seven minutes. There are two prisoners in Warehouse 3 ready for questioning."

"Wonderful, we will leave in an hour until then see to your tasks as ordered." With that, Eric dismissed Pam with a flick of his wrist already reaching to pick Addy up.

"As you wish Master"

Pam huffed audibly her disappointment, vamping out of the bedroom, phone at hand, fully ready to lay her frustration on the unsuspecting construction crew four floors down. He could be so pigheaded sometimes, but so could she and there was no way she would miss her one and only chance of throwing one of those baby showers she had read about. She just needed to be persistent and belligerent enough; it never failed to get her what she wanted.

Eric felt great satisfaction over Pam's stupor and wasted no time in stripping HIS three breathers of their blood mattered torn clothing, shoes and all accessories. Thank Odin for small and HUGE favors that Addy's hair bow turned out to be a simple clip-on and most importantly HIS daughter was being a perfect daddy's little girl by sporting a CLEAN diaper, making him sigh in delight. Eric smiled over how easy it was to _change a diaper_ and his undeniable ability to provide the best care for fulfilling every need of HIS family. Eric Northman did not know that he was obviously due for his own vampiric rude awakening. Flinging the discarded outfits, excluding Sookie's jewelry and diadem, which he crossly crushed in his hand, no Lover of HIS would ever wear such cheap imitations. Everything was heaped in a pile on the floor with full intentions of obtaining exact replicas of their clothing, the only items he would allow from their previous lives were kept in a separate pile. It was all done to purely satisfy Eric's irrefutable feeling of ownership, he owned every last thing about them: they were HIS.

His cock was rock hard, which was turning into a constant occurrence when it came to HIS Lover, he took a couple of seconds to truly admire HIS Valkyrie's divinely sculpted body. With an appreciative hiss his alpha male fangs perceptibly snapped into place and an audible purr vibrated deep from within his firm chiseled warrior chest in delighted glee. She was nothing short of a gift sent personally to him by the almighty Gods. Smooth voluptuous curves in all the right places, warm soft skin begging to be touched, squeezed, kissed, licked, nibbled and rubbed all over. With just the tip of his fingers Eric followed the spellbinding valleys of her heavenly topography in a treacherous slow motion from the crook of her neck to the arches of her toes. He crawled onto the bed by her feet, spreading them shoulder length apart and bend down to HIS Angel's body burring his nose into her sun radiating skin deeply inhaling and taking her ambrosial essence inside him, repeating his journey in reverse by tracing his large palms with his wide spread fingers in attempt to cover every inch of her warmth oozing figure under his awestruck ministration. Her delicate small feet, her well-toned caves, her soft inner thighs, her smooth vulva lips, by using just the apex of his right middle finger of his outstretched arm he parted her inner lips slowly and very very gradually, taking his time to fully relish the feeling of her, Eric encircled just the outline of her burning hot tight but annoyingly dry sex entrance. A forceful growl escaped his lips, Eric was not sure if it was over the elation of her unfuckingbelievably scorching heath, over the even more unfathomable tightness of her pureness or in pure frustration over the fact that his touch had no influence whatsoever over her comatose body, in truth all of the above. Her body temperature stayed the same, there was no spike in her heart beat, her body was just as limp as before, not a moan or gasp for air, fucking NOTHING! Following the mapped out route with his hound like nose Eric submerged his whole face in the most beautiful pussy he has ever had the pleasure to make acquaintance with. If those gorgeous pink lips could purr, Eric vowed to every known God and deity that soon, very fucking soon, he would have HIS naughty little kitten singing his praises and begging for his large cock, right after he gave Sookie her well-deserved punishment for making him wait so long. He once again growled in outrage over his inability to run his fangs and cold tongue along the flawless stretch of her rear rosebud all the way up to the loveliest bud of her unspoiled clitoris, not without playing Russian roulette with his sanity at present. If only he did not have to deal with the shit of the upcoming meeting. Eric settled on lifting her bountifully painted derrière, spreading wide and lifting it upwards, causing her well define legs to fall onto her chest and bend her like a pretzel as she presented herself to him before he drew the said path with his inflated nostrils capturing as much of her quintessence as possible.

MINE, MINE, MINE, ONLY MINE was the only words he could hear roaring inside his head.

"FUCK Lover, you smell divine and you are all MINE and ONLY MINE!" he whisper hissed in a lustful husky tone as he finished encircling her delicate clit with the tip of his nose.

Using his large thumbs Eric separated her lower lips taking a long deep whiff of her virginal vagina, still fucking dry as a desert, opening. Never in his millennium some years on this earth has he not been met with nothing but geyser spurting enthusiasm from his sexual exploits, female and male alike, for fucks sake even from creatures of undefinable sexes. After all, what vampire would discriminate against blood and sex in their right mind? Unable to hold his inner roaring beast at bay any longer Eric thundered a venomous snarl and sneaked his humongous hands around her affable waistline to her perfect breasts, painfully sinking his claw like fingers into HIS girls, clutching and wrenching them so austerely in his frustrated state that flaming blood red marks were left in his reckoning, efficiently branding them and her as HIS and only HIS and thankfully taking some of the edge off his buildup irritation.

Hearing Pam loud threat to the life of some interior designer was enough to snap him out of his trance like state and remind him that there was still much to be done before the night was over. Eric licked his lips and readjusted his turgid cock inside his painfully tight jeans in anticipation for when he would be able to properly worship her body for the perfection it truly was. He gently lowered her body back to the bed and got up to proceed with the evening plans. Sigh. HIS girls sure looked beautiful wearing his sigil, making Eric smile in satisfaction.

When would they fucking WAKE ALREADY? His patience was holding by a thread.

Eric, lifted Addy's limp body to his broad chest, unable to decipher the foreign emotions that it invoked within him Eric decided to cease opposing it and gave into the temptation and placed a gentle kiss on her small head as he started walking towards the ensuite bathroom. He absently wondered if he was still under the influence of Sookie's drug fueled blood, his desire and tenderness towards them was atypical for a vampire at the very least and particularly for this vampire.

After checking the water temperature one last time he took notice of the scattered bath salts, soaps and shampoos. Still cradling Addy's warm body close to him Eric neatly stacked all the little bottles and containers. Looking around for clean towels and finding none, due to the extensive damage done to the house earlier, he vamped back to the bedroom and placed Addy back on the bed. He made sure to cover their naked bodies, if only for his own selfish reasons and sent a call for Pam through their bond.

She was at his side instantly.

"I am going to take them to the house at Cross Lake and call Mrs. Kostova and her sons to look after them. Make sure the dogs downstairs stay put and don't follow us. I am guessing the crystal is somehow suppressing their scent but I don't want to take any chances. Have they asked anything about tonight? Also tell Alcide he has 48 hours to finish the house, money is no object and he can hire additional help if needed and have this place child friendly."

"No nothing, it's like they didn't smell, see or hear anything. I glamoured one and found out they have no memory of ever being ejected from the house or of any sun sphere."

Though to glamour any type of were was a task not as easily done as said, it was like a self-built supernatural protection ward among the species. Pam's second vampire gift was an impressively strong ability in effortlessly influencing others under her mind altering control and not just in single digits she held the very rare gift of mass glamouring, however Pam would gladly trade everything that made her so special for her bloodline hereditary talent to fly, every last fucker of them but her it seemed. Sigh.

"Excellent, keep it that way. I am going to fly them over there and minimize spreading their enticing scent all over the place, come and get me in an hour and have a preliminary report ready for me before the meeting."

"I've been sending all the incoming intel to your phone."

"Very good, call the witch Octavia to perform a scent suppressing spell to be safe, before the dogs move to fix the upper floors. Send the jet to get her ASAP, after that I want her to stay for a week to guard them; she is my best bet since I can't hire the appropriate supernaturals for it yet." Eric growled the last part, he was not happy over that that bit of annoying information preventing him properly protecting HIS family.

"What should I tell her of whom she is to bodyguard?"

"Very important pets of an associate of mine" he fired back instantly. The less people knew how much they meant to him the safer they would be.

"She is not going to be happy over a last minute summons" Pam murmured" Why can't you do it? The last time I had dealings with her she threw a full blown hissy fit coloring my hair virtually permanent green for no good reason." Pam hissed outraged.

"I wouldn't call talking her assistant into taking off for an entire week of fuckfest, without so much as a word of warning and leaving her to single handedly deal with numerous prior engagements, no good reason Pam." Eric laughed remembering all the things the older witch really wanted do subject Pam and her irritating as hell fucktoy to.

To placate the furious witch Eric ended up tracking them down the next night in Ibiza of all places. Pam sure knew how to do Spring break in style, stoned off her ever loving mind on some half assed spell curtesy of her fuckbudy amongst no less drugged out willing participants, decked out in neon necklaces and bracelets, stripper envy neon bathing suit, neon whistle and all, the full idiotic shebang. He almost did not recognize her and had to do a double take to believe that indeed it was HIS uptight and vainest of a Childe jumping to the cacophony of what some utter moron deemed to be music. A sight to behold for eternity!

It is well known fact in the Supe community that an angry witch is not good for anyone's health, plus Octavia and Eric had a somewhat mutually respectful working rapport with one another. Fifty years ago young Octavia Fant found herself the prime obsession of one of Eric's underlings and they struck a deal that has benefited them ever since. Seeing the extraordinary power she exhibited so early on Eric offered her his full protection and aid in further education in exchange of exclusive rights over her services. The witch became one of the most powerful in the new world, if not the most and also thanks to Eric's honorable word to always watch out for her, Octavia never let anyone push her around. In exchange for his protection Eric gained a very loyal and well feared ally.

So when Pam ended up sporting neon green hair and an inability to climax for a whole month in retaliation for her little stunt Eric had no objections to Pam's _undeserved injustice_ whatsoever, she got off easily if you were to ask him. Amelia Broadway, the dimwitted assistant not so much, she was subjected to receive an involuntary orgasm, so powerful it was borderline painful, if she were to make four consecutive steps in any direction for an entire month, a suitable retribution for her sexual prowess and post abandonment, rendering her looking like a total nutcase for abruptly stopping every second step she took and almost useless for the duration of her punishment. It took the young witch half a year to even look at someone wantonly after that. Pam was too warded with said punishment; however it failed miserably in her horny case. It lasted exactly 11 seconds and 238 orgasms before Eric figured out what was happening and why Pam was vamping in elation in all directions within the tight confines of his office, before he urgently placed a phone call to Octavia advising her to come up with anything not involving Pam getting her rocks off or she may as well be doing her a favor.

"The crime did NOT fit the punishment" Pam hissed furious.

"Be glad you cleared your impromptu vacation with me before taking off or the punishment would have most certainly fit the crime. Ibiza Pam, really?"

"I am not suicidal." Pam huffed in indignation as she continued on with her defense stratagem "That shit with the deranged maenad called for some much needed _me_ time afterwards, plus we weren't going to stay there the whole time."

"Don't remind me of that psychotic bitch EVER! Nor of your fucking nonstop ranting over unfair treatment EITHER! After breaking every last sex toy in the state of Louisiana from fucking _overuse_ and nearly draining a hundred fangbangers claiming them inadequate, cleaning up your messes and having to listen to your unbearable whining was no walk in the park for me either, Childe." A cold shudder ran down his body just thinking about it, he was the one in truth being chastised, if you were to ask for his take on Pam's unfortunately just the latest shenanigan.

Longest fucking month of his undead life! Though her creative attempts to go incognito and conceal the utter disaster nesting on the top of her head were most definitely amusing.

"With pleasure." Pam hissed back not wanting to be reminded of neither event just as much. Impossible to achieve seeing how every single one of Eric's office desks proudly displayed a framed snapshot of Pam's House and Trance wild side from that unfortunate night.

Eric boisterously laughed knowing full well the source behind Pam's eternal irritation and not missing out on the chance to prolong her suffering further.

"See to all the witch's needs with nothing but a sincere smile on your face Pam." Eric ordered between laughs.

"Yes, Master." Pam answered as if just uttering the words was bringing her to the doorsteps of her true death.

"And stay away from that pixie headed assistant of hers, I have enough on my plate as it is" those two together spelled delinquency in capital letters every fucking time and required strict supervision, for which he had neither the will or patience for. Sigh.

"Should I instruct her not to bring her along?"

"No, just don't fuck her Pam."

"Eric you realize she does this one thing…" her voice was all dreamy like.

"Stay the fuck away from her Pam! That is an order." his voice was all business.

"You're no fun." she huffed.

"Careful Childe!" Eric gave her his signature raised eyebrow in warning.

Surely she was not challenging him to a repeat treatment over her bratty attitude so soon?

"Yes, Master!" Pam instantly diverted her eyes to the floor and bared her neck in submission.

If Pam could shake in fear she would have, she needed to tread very carefully with how tense he obviously was tonight, it seemed that anything could set him off on the path for summoning his deranged inner berserker.

"You are dismissed" and with that she was gone before he was finished talking.

Next Eric sent a text to his head housekeeper instructing her that she and her two young twins presence are needed immediately at the lake house. He quickly skimmed the book thick pamphlet Dr. Ludwig left him with and sent a substantial text massage to his dayman Bobby with instructions to provide him with all the urgent provisions HIS family required. He doubted that he would have use for any of them this evening, but wanted to be fully prepared if they were to mysteriously wake. Hope sprang eternal in all species, it seemed.

He was in the process of ripping the bed sheets to use for securing Addy and Hunter to his chest when he felt the silent vibration of his phone in his back jean pocket alerting him that some cretin thought they could demand an audience with him. Eric hissed in irritation, everyone knew the protocol is to refer to his second in command, his annoying as hell Childe, in nights as such unless it was his arguably more annoying Queen of Louisiana, for which he currently had no tolerance to deal with.

"WHAT?" he barked into his phone without even battering to look at the caller ID, fuck it, he will seize the throne by the end of tonight, if it meant he will be left in peace to deal with the needs of HIS family.

"Master we have a breach in security!" came Bobby full on panicked screech.

"How so?" Eric asked even more annoyed than he surmised he would be after first recognizing the voice of his certainly soon to be dead dayman.

"Someone was somehow able to gain access by hacking your phone Master. The idiot sent me instruction to obtain baby items of all things. I've already contacted Spider to take care of it." Bobby was busting with pride for his ability to serve his Master like no other ever could, just short of pounding his chest like King Kong in celebration.

"You fucking imbecile, call Spider back to cancel the order and see to every last item on that list" Eric growled back, fucking 100K down the drain for nothing all thanks to this utter moron.

Knowing that his weird as fuck go-to techi guy was not the _sure, here is your refund_ type, the money should rightfully come out of Bobby's inane ass. However Eric could never fault someone for looking after his best interests, he will just have to bite the bullet on that one and it was not like it made even a dent in his assents. Just proving to him that the bullshit brigade was still in full force tonight; rapidly firing one _shit_sling after another in his direction.

"What?" came Bobby's dumbfounded response, not believing what he was hearing.

"Do as you are told, you do not want me to repeat myself!" Eric growled, effectively crushing the phone into million tiny pieces while envisioning it to be Bobby's pathetic neck.

Four seconds shitload of paperwork, well nil in Bobby's case, human underlings were not even on the bottom of vampires totem pole, after all they held just as much stock as any other pitiful bloodbag: to be discarded as one desired.

Eric once more sent a call for Pam through their bond. Just when is this shitstorm going to fucking end?

"I am in need of a phone." He simply stated as she vamped next to him.

"_Who_ happened to your old one this time?" Pam asked irritably, this annoying little habit of his for destroying phones, computers, doors and a slew of all kinds of other shit, whenever someone pissed him off taught her long ago to preorder and stash them in bulks all over the place for occasions just as such.

"NOW, Pamela!" Eric barked, clearly not in a mood.

"Here" she handed him a new phone couple seconds later, preloaded with all his contacts and app preferences. Thank you ICloud for automatic synchronizing and celebrity nudity.

"You know Eric these bad boys aren't cheap, especially after forking the ridiculous fee for Spider to turn them more cryptic then the Ancient Pythoness."

"Do you really want to go there Pam, I can fucking break a thousand of them and still not be even close to the damage you did on my Black AE card just last month." Eric declared as he tenderly lifted Sookie's body in his embracing hands.

Pam lifted her right eyebrow taking in the sight of her Maker. Eric the fucking Norseman had the two ranched snack packs tightly wrapped like burritos inside of a redneck makeshift Bjorn baby carrier to the front of his chest whist cradling their mummified like mother in his arms. If she was sure she could get away with it she would have snapped a quick picture to memorialize his current alpha male pose, proud new Papa bear in sooth, just barely shy of his spread out peacock crown tattering behind him. Unfuckingbelievable, the zombie apocalypse was surely around the corner. All she could do was to stare back at him with a blank expression; vampires did not do the whole mouth hanging wide open after all.

"I need you to find exact replicas of their clothing." Eric was wearing an unprecedentedly broad smile over his grand achievement to tend HIS family; this vampire was in for a major reality check.

"There are no labels Eric!" Pam all but screeched in outrage as she vamp rummaged through the pile of cloths on the floor.

"Figure it out Pam and get a couple extras of her dress" this time his smile turned purely predatory as he flew backwards through the open window located just behind him, protectively clutching HIS family to him with his massive hands.

They could not fit him more perfectly and he sure could not be more perfect for them; Yep, major reality check coming right up!

"Sure thing perv." Pam snickered perceptively of the unfortunate doom for said garments.

Eric thunderous laugh was his only response as he shot straight into the sky with a speed of a meteor sent on a collision mission. The solitude of flying was one of his favorite activities, but having HIS precious family along for the ride could arguably make it his all-time favorite, just their mere presence could center him like no other ever could before and simultaneously unnerve him just as intensely. Their abrupt arrival into his undead life was an enigma, a blessing and a curse all wrapped into one. Eric clung to them so tightly close to his stone hard body that he was sure that if they were awake they would have squirmed in painful protest, but as relaxed as he was over his impeccable ability in the aeronautical means of transport, after countless centuries of mastering this vampire gift of his it was like a second layer to his cold skin and he felt confident in taking flight no less than preforming any other mundane motion. However there was this irrational fear of him dropping them midair vehemently nagging and taunting him in the back of his mind. He chose to forgo his usual flying routes over wooded areas, they did provide for better concealment and avoidance of prying eyes. He opted to take the straight approach directly over the city. There were multiple reasons behind his decision; the rancid smells of burnt gas fuels, pungent southern foods, urban trash and such would easily mask any trace of their alluring smell. Isolated woodlands were where Supes favored lurking and he was not going to take the chance even from a thousand feet in the air.

The flight was only a few seconds short of a half minute at the speed he was ripping through the night sky with. Nevertheless in order to subdue his growing paranoia over their overall safety he flew at an unusually high altitude across the vast metropolis, just at the cusp of freezing temperature. When he quickly glanced down at the peaceful expressions of HIS family and observed their eyelids gathering ice and their kissable lips turning blue Eric all but forgot about aerodynamics and flew straight into a full blown panic in the literal sense of the word.

He practically took the front door to his lake house off its hinges in his hysterical panicking. Vamping at ungodly speed through the house like none other than the all-powerful Sun was on his fanged ass. He blasted his state of the art shower to scorching heat successfully converting the confined space of his daychamber into a proper Nordic sauna while franticly rubbing any surface of their bodies anywhere he could get his large hands on, while still clinging to them in utter terror. Vamp speed has never been so useful before. Though he did not need to Eric was actually holding his proverbial breath as he sent a prayer to anyone willing to hear him, in that exact moment he was ready to sell his very soul. If he even possessed such a thing and the Devil was brave enough to take on that hot mess, Eric would have traded it for HIS family without so much as a single thought. The hot steam and rough ministration of his frenzied hands bought their ghostly pale color back to their normal healthy tone in no time, forcing Eric to sigh in heartfelt gratitude after what felt to him like an eternity of being stuck in perdition.

"FUUUUUCK!" he shouted, how many times can a vampire experience a proverbial cardiac arrest, no fucking wonder bloodbags were so fucking fragile.

Still feeling unsettled and so unlike himself Eric wasted no time gently laying all three of them on his emperor custom sized bed along with a makeshift sack containing the yellow crystal stone and numerous vials and pouches from Dr. Ludwig. He patted the back of his jeans belt and was truly glad that the rolled pamphlet was still there (last thing he needed was to have to call the little hell troll to tell her that a dog ate his homework). He moved on autopilot, opting to give them a bath tomorrow night and took each one of them with him consecutively into the shower stall, making sure to very tenderly wash every nook and cranny of their bodies, he paid extra special attention to keep their air supply free of any obstruction and far away from the water stream. Just the intolerable thought that he almost lost them countless times in one single night had him more vigilant and tense than he ever thought he was capable of. Of course he could not resist and play a little with Sookie's enthralling assets, he did end up getting lost for a while in a tug of war with HIS girls, aka the most perfect pair of breasts and he may have not so innocently caged her against the tile wall with her back to him as he sheathed his dick between her crossed thighs rubbing one off against the most warmly inviting pussy just to calm his nerves. Best _hand/body_ job ever, leaving him deliriously giddy over his nothing short of wretched pubescent antics. The selfish vampire inside him was determined to take advantage of the current situation and that was that.

Eric walked back into the bedroom naked, absently toweling his long golden hair as he checked on the gathered intel of tonight's bombing using his phone, which was nothing he already did not know or suspect of. He decided to wait for Pam to brief him on their way to the meeting and turned his attention back to HIS family, which took precedent over everything from now on even if others were not aware of it yet. They looked angelic all snuggled together, just showered, dried and smelling fresh in his large bed, as if they had always belonged there and that was simply because they always have in his eyes. Eric readily joined them and happily rearranged their bodies as his personal electric blankets.

First he read through the 67 page report about the only five living members of the Stackhouse family, which was unusually short for his techi guy Spider and left him with even more questions and confusion of who HIS family really was then before. It all read like a bad attempt for a summary report of War and Peace by a first grader. Their full names, dates and places of birth, financial assets or their total lack of any, more like their never ending debt, for fuck sake the report he had him do out of pure curiosity over his long gone human kin had more meat to it than this shit.

The Stackhouses obviously favored home births, because mysteriously there were no hospital records for any of them. Eric's bullshit meter was instantly raised specifically in regards to the two younglings currently laying on his chest, he was also surprised to find that he has been absently caressing them the entire time. Eric just could not fathom where this need for tenderness towards them was coming from; it was so atypical for a vampire. There was no father listed for Hunter and Addy just Sookie as their birth mother, though peculiarly there was no OBGYN evidence of any recorded pregnancy or even a single shred of trail suggesting it could have been a closed adaption. None of her bank statements showed her receiving any form of child support, not even government supplements. It was like someone mysteriously just dropped the children off in to her care with the needed paperwork right at her front doorstep. Supe conspiracy anyone?

What was even more maddening was that Sookie did not check any parenting books from the local library prior to the day Addy was supposedly born. She did exhibit a broad love for reading, the topic raging from any ancient civilization to border line pornographic romance novels. Eric laughed out loud; HIS innocent Angel had hidden naughty depths to her intellect, which he had no objections unlocking in the future. Oh, the fun they will have together.

The Stackhouses also did not believe in any form of social media, actually there was no evidence for them even owning a single computer let alone internet access. Who the fuck does not in this day and age? The pictures Spider provided were of Sookie and her brother Jason from their high school year book. There were no pictures for Addy and Hunter and the only one of Adele, their grand grandmother, was from some weird ass club The Descendants of the Glorious Death gathering. The Fuck redneck bullshit was that? Eric shook his head; only in Louisiana. Seems they acquired cell phones services only six months ago and only the most basic one at that. They kept such an extreme low profile that it had Eric audibly wonder what they were trying to hide. The Stackhouse clan was also rumored to be the town freaks, though no particular reason was given other than "_they ain't right"_. Double what the fuck? Adele seemed to be the only well-respected member of Bon Temps and there were some very colorful descriptions of young Mr. Stackhouse from the local female population, successfully painting him as the surrounding towns' insatiable _tomcat_. A man after Eric's heart, too bad they will never cross paths.

HIS Valkyrie was a barmaid of all things, well not anymore that was for fucking sure and working for none other than Sam Merlotte of all creatures. Eric kept a very tight vigilance on all supernaturals in his area and was well aware of the lonesome Shifter, a pathetic waste of supernatural genetics with that self-loathing and self-imposed Supe isolation attitude of his. The rumor had it that HIS Angel and her Boss had recently been spotted on dates and that was it for Eric.

His vision was instantly reduced to nothing but a bright burning bloodthirsty red: The Shifter was FUCKING DEAD!

Fuck the shitload of paperwork, it was going to consist of one single sentence: NONE TOUCHES WHAT IS MINE!

His new IPhone was once more history as he crushed it into million pieces in his livid state. He turned his gaze to Sookie staring at her though slit eyes, she was lucky she was comatose and very fucking unlucky that her already substantial punishment just doubled in its severity. Knowing himself well enough that if he did not leave the room immediately he was going to let her have it right there and then. He abruptly jumped off the bed forcing himself to calm down by pacing back in forth with his hands tightly tugging at his golden hair. She was not even awake yet and driving him as crazy as to act so like a pathetic bloodbag.

He could not bring himself to read anything else about them tonight and it was also plainly obvious that Spider's phone interviews and digital espionage was not going to cut it, thus he decided that in order to get what he needed he would have to send some boots on the ground so Pam will just have to lower herself and wear some fucking Nike's and a damn checked shirt if needed.

He speedily applied the malodorous herbs to their skin, grabbed Dr. Ludwig's pamphlet and secluded himself inside his office far away from Sookie in the hopes to forget the last bit of information and not fly into a murderous rage and immediately go after the fucking poor excuse for a Shifter.

As he was diligently doing his _homework_ Eric was plagued with even more questions. First and foremost, sure he never produced nor cared after any human children, but really who knew how many towheaded bright blue eyed snotters he may have spurred with his love for cumming inside the warmth of any female snatch, but when did the rearing of a child turn into a full time fucking job? From what he could remember from his human life you feed them, you bath them, you watch after them until they are ready to take up a sword or work the fields to earn their keep, there were no fucking special _developmental brain foods_ or the importance of fully understanding your _child's psychology _and his people did just fucking fine thank you very fucking much. This shit read like he was going to be pursuing a PhD in rocket science. On top of it all according to his buddy Google, Addy and Hunter's clothing sizes were for someone 4-6 months older then who Sookie claimed them to be and the games the little hell troll recommended he obtain were for children even years older than they were. Fucking Ludwig was obviously going senile with old age.

He was lost in his thoughts and subconsciously tapping into Pam's shopaholic mania as he was ordering anything that displayed _Daddy's little_ (…) on the front when he heard the approaching vehicle announcing the arrival of his housekeeper and her sons. He quickly checked on HIS family wellbeing before vamping upstairs to deal with them.

"Good evening Master Eric." a good looking woman in her fifties with dark hair and piercing green eyes greeted him with a broad smile, followed by two well-built young men in their early twenties.

"Good evening to you too Desi, boys." He gave them each a nod which they silently returned.

"How can we be of service tonight?"

"First do I have you permission to glamour you in order to keep the information confidential?" Eric was all business straight out of the gate.

Yes, he did not need to ask for their permission, however the Kostovi family has been exceptionally loyal servants to his entire bloodline for numerous centuries and had rightfully earned their respect. Especially the patience they displayed when dealing with his spoiled bratty Childe. Though only humans they were granted full protection and it even extended to Eric working his connections for the boys to be stationed at the nearby Barksdale Air Force Base in Bossier City, to their mother's delight and their utter disappointment.

"Of course" all three answered in union.

"Good, as of this night there are three new additions to the Northman clan." Eric announced proudly.

"Congratulations Master!" Desi clapped enthusiastically when she worriedly asked next "Wait, aren't you supposed to be in the ground with them for the next three days?"

"Ah, there is the rub they are of the breathing variety: a young mother with two younglings." the smile never left his face.

"OOOOkey." Desi really did not know how to react to _that_, except to pray that they will not be her Master's choice for dinner.

"Desi, relax I'm not going to drain them in fact I AM keeping them as MINE, the reason I wanted you and the boys here is because I'm needed to attend a meeting in a little while and I need you to look after them in case they wake." Eric spoke in a very calm voice in an attempt to subdue their elevated heart beats, though internally he was not the least bit happy that anyone would suggest he indulged in the teacups blood. "Fangtasia was bombed tonight and they got caught up in it, resulting in them falling into a coma. The doctor informed me that most likely they wouldn't wake for a week, but if they do I need you to inform me _immediately_."

"Yes, Master"

"Boys, you are to guard them with your lives and call me if you see _anything_ suspicious."

"Yes, Master!" they answered in union, a very fucking annoying habit of theirs.

"Bobby will be here shortly with provisions and Octavia is on her way to give you a hand for the next week. I will arrange for the boys leave with Colonel Flood later tonight. You are to treat and regard them as MINE. Am I understood?" he raised his signature eyebrow at them.

"Yes, Master" they all somehow managed to get out.

All three just stared at him with their mouths hanging open, making Eric laugh loudly and wonder if he was indeed going crazy. He caught their eyes with his and promptly pulled them one by one under his glamour.

"You will not divulge their existence to anyone under any circumstances. You will not allow them to leave my daychamber under any circumstances!" he ordered, almost growling.

"Yes, Master." They all answered with dreamy like voices proving that his glamour has taking full effect.

"Excellent. Her name is Sookie and the children names are Hunter and Addy."

"How old are they?" asked Desi, the boys stayed quiet as usual.

"She is almost 25, the boy is almost two and the girl is 6 months old. Here are the instructions for their care the doctor provided me with. I have read them and familiarized myself, you are expected to do the same and pass them to Octavia." He gave her what looked like a book with nothing but a blank face.

Surely he was not going to approach raising children like he was following some kind of a car manual, was he? Desi gaped at him in earnest as she wordlessly accepted the proffered material. OH boy! Well, he will figure it out soon enough, let him live out his fantasy for as long as he could.

The front door opened and in came Bobby the moronic dayman huffing and puffing like he just ran a 10K marathon carrying million shopping bags.

"Master, I was able to obtain the organic foods, but the only stores open at this time at night selling baby paraphernalia are Walmart or Walgreens and none of them have the quality you required, but no doubt will do just as fine. There's a baby boutique in Shreveport that carries the high-end brands, but it's closed until Monday or I can order them online and pay the extra to have everything shipped over night for you. What would you like me to do, Master?" He finished with a tone that said he did not see what the big deal was over some crazy ass diapers and baby bottles of all things.

Eric was on him so fast Bobby did not even have time to blink before he found himself pinned against the wall and staring at a pair of very scary looking razor sharp fangs.

"Bobby, you will do exactly what you are told and accomplish it in exactly the time you are given and not a second after. I do not give a single fuck how you do it, you can wake up the store owners and buy the damn store itself for all I care. Do you understand?" Eric hissed with such venom making the gown man in his grip literally piss himself in fear.

"Yes, Master." Bobby gulped out as the warm liquid trailed down his legs.

"This was your one and only fuckup boy. Am I clear?" Eric crooked an eyebrow and did not even wait for response as he tossing him to the side like a dirty rag "Get out of my fucking sight. NOW!" at least he did not shit himself as most tend to do.

The boys just doubled over laughing as Bobby and his drenched pants made a hasty exit, earning them a very angry look from their mother.

"What?" they asked in sync.

"Don't you dare give me that _what_ or y'all be next!" she threatened.

That had Eric doubled in laughter internally as he recalled the last time their mother laid down the law on them with the biggest wooden spoon he had ever seen. He was still in the midst of revisiting the pleasant memory when he heard an unfamiliar vehicle approach the main gate, what really surprised him was that the intruder was not repelled by the strong wards he had in place to turn around and leave immediately and instead he could clearly make out the idiot getting out of what Eric surmised to be a truck.

"Stay here and guard them!" he barked as he vamped out of the house and took flight in the direction of the soon to be dead fool.

There was only one detectable heartbeat, the smell was familiar and very close to that of HIS family, so close that no other than Jason Stackhouse himself was currently dangling halfway from the front silver coded gate and so preoccupied with what he was doing that it was almost a half-minute before he even saw the hovering vampire in midair only inches away from his face on the other side of the gate.

"The Fuuuck!" Jason yelped as he lost his footing and landed square on his ass with a loud thud on the harsh asphalt.

Eric was in front of him instantly as his right eyebrow went into his hairline in an unspoken question.

"Sum'bitch dat hurt! Hey man, y'all can't just snuk up on s'body like dat or y'all just askin' fo' trouble!" Jason huffed as he got up and started brushing himself off.

Great, a full blooded redneck. Another one of Louisiana's bright and brilliant geniuses, a dime a dozen in these parts unfortunately. Eric refused to even respond to whatever the fuck kind of English that was and just continued to stare at the dimwit.

"Y'all deaf or s'thing?"

"What are you doing here boy?" Eric asked impatiently.

"Y'all first, who the fuck are you?" Jason asked just as impatiently.

Eric just growled back in warning that now was the time for Jason to start singing like a canary before he ripped his head clean off.

"Fuck ya fanger, where's my sister?" Jason shouted as he took an attack position.

"And why would you think your sister is anywhere near here boy?" Eric asked curiously.

"FUCK YA, I ain't no boy and I ain't thinkin' I KNOW Sookie and the kids are in here!"

"And how exactly do you know that _boy_?"

"I ain't afraid of ya fanger, let my sister and the kids go or we're gotta have r'selves a big ole problem, y'all hear me?" Jason crooked his own eyebrow in challenge.

"Boy you are obviously too stupid to know what's good for. Look at me!" Eric ordered, he was done listening to nonsense and glamouring the idiot it was.

Jason may not have inherited his sister's freaky mind reading ability, but he was somehow able to sense people's emotions and shift in energy around him as well as influence them back and though he was unable to feel the vampire his senses was screaming the something was way off just like when he first approached the gateway. The energy in the air was getting thicker and stronger by the second and seemed to be concentrating directly towards his head and it was becoming impossible to repel when suddenly he remembered of vampires ability to fuck with people's minds by staring them in the eyes.

"Hold that thought Goldilocks!" Jason shouted and frantically started tapping the top of his thick head in search for his sunglasses, never taking his eyes off the vampire.

Jason smiled in utter triumph as he proudly slid them down his face; a true southern gentleman never took off his sunglasses even during the night. Fucker didn't know who he messin' with!

Eric just raised both of his eyebrows in pure disbelief, almighty Odin please tell him HIS family was not as dumb as this poor excuse of cerebral space and how the fuck did he know that Eric was trying to glamour him. Eric was in his face instantly using the full power of his glamour, the last bloodbag he did that to end up being spoon feed for the rest of his pathetic life; no fucking sunglasses were going to prevent him from finding what he needed to know.

"You will tell me how know you this boy!" he hissed.

"I can feel my sister inside the house." Jason answered in a robotic matter unable to fight off the vampire influence any longer.

"How?"

"I don't know."

"Have you always been able to feel your sister?"

"Yes."

"Can you also feel the children?"

"Yes."

"Have you always been able to feel the children?"

"No."

"Since when then?"

Jason just stared back blankly making Eric growl in irritation. Glamouring was not an exact science and one needed to word his question just right to get the information he wanted.

"When exactly can you feel the children?"

"Only when they're close."

"How close?"

"A thousand feet."

"But you can always feel your sister no matter the distance. Correct?"

"Yes."

"Do you usually sense their overall presence or can you feel their actual emotions?"

"Both."

"Can you do that with other people too?"

Silence.

No matter how hard Eric tried to push through there was this invisible force field guarding that part of Jason brain repelling him every time he came anywhere near it and somehow lessening Eric's overall glamouring effect.

Very interesting.

"What else can you do?"

Silence.

Very fucking interesting indeed.

"Can your sister do that too?"

"No."

"Can the children?"

"No."

"Can your grandmother do that?"

"No."

"Do they have any special abilities of their own?"

Silence.

FUCK, so not what Eric wanted to hear.

"Does your Grandmother have any special abilities?"

Silence.

"Does anyone know where you are?"

"No."

"Does anyone know you went to look for your sister and the kids?"

"my Gran."

"You will now go home and forget me and that you even came here tonight. You will tell you grandmother that you found your sister's and her kids' burned ashes in front of a bar named Fangtasia. Do you understand?" Eric growled angrily.

"Yes." Jason answered obediently and swayed from side to side from the sheer force of Eric's glamour as he turned back to get into his truck.

Eric did not move from the spot he was in, he was trying to decipher all he had learned about HIS family and not getting anywhere, just more fucking unanswered questions. In normal circumstances Jason would have not survived after Eric was done with him at the very least he would have been detained for further questioning, however the Lake house was lacking the proper room for that and taking him right now may arouse unwanted interested from others. Plus he really was pressed for time as he could feel Pam getting closer by the second. He needed to assert caution and patience when dealing with finding out who HIS family was or he could easily put them on the radar of too many spying creatures. He was still contemplating what the best course of action would be, when Pam all but drove straight into him clearly not in a mood.

"We have a problem." Eric calmly stated.

"No shit! I have been trying to call you for the last half hour."

"About what?" Eric asked irritated as hell, just when is this night going to fucking end already?

"André is going to be at the meeting."

Eric just hissed at hearing the name. Fuck, the Queen's Childe was the last vampire Eric needed sniffing around him right now.

"Oh, that's not all, she somehow knows that you found the bombs hours prior to the bombing and is PISSED she wasn't informed about your plan. You were right there is a spy lurking around."

"Fuck!" he roared.

"Wait, I'm not done. What do they say these days, oh yeah, _it gets better_. Rumor has it that as a punishment she will be loaning you out to New York for a month as that is where the next attack is expected to happen."

"FUUUUUCK" Eric roared, kicking Pam's car sending it flying high into the air.

"God dammit, Eric! This is my third car you've destroyed in less than a year!" Pam shouted at him.

Eric just gave her a warning look; he had way bigger fucking problems on his hands then replacing Pam's fucking soccer mom minivan.

….

**So, yeah…. Eric could easily be the poster child for Anger Management and Sex Addicts, but isn't that why we love his vampire _butt_ *snicker* so much? :)**

**What are your thoughts: Love it, hate it or maybe leave it? I would love to get your feedback :)**


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